✿ first impression: title, cover and description (11/15)
the title is catchy and fits the genre! fits the purgatory concept too. the only mistake is that you need to lowercase 'in the'. also, you needn't mention it's ongoing in the title. actually, this might shoo away readers who prefer completed stories from giving your story a chance.
the cover looks cool and worked on. has all the necessary elements.
the blurb is what needs work. first, you talk about v without introducing her (just a little for context. who is she?). second, you mention a debt, and again, what kind of debt is that? the problem with the blurb is that you mention several concepts without context. it could use more explanation.
also, after ellipses, treat independent sentences accordingly. capitalise the first letter.
great cast, btw! love a multiracial book.
✿ plot & chapters (13/20)
+ let's first talk about your first line/paragraph, aka the hook. first, its structure isn't the best: dialogue with grammar mistakes (her voice shook, not shaking). second, we're thrown into the scene without descriptions. couldn't help but imagine two faceless people talking in the dark. see, that's where the importance of settings description comes.
i also think it'd be better to use characters names in this scene. who do i recall from the cast? there's a he and a she, but who are they?
+ halfway thru the prologue, and i still didn't understand what they were talking about. you probably intended this, thinking it develops suspense, but there's a thin line between suspense and unsatisfying confusion.
+ the prologue ends with a light force choking the blonde woman, right? idk what i feel about that. i think it was supposed to thrill me, but it had an ambiguous vibe. usually, i skip prologues, but i read yours to review.
+ c1 starts with a wake-up scene. not usually very thrilling, but when she states she never wants to see her beloved children again, my interest is picked! that makes a difference. also, as she says her kids are sixteen, I assume two things: 1) she's typically in her late thirties. maybe more. 2) the kids are twins.
+ reading on in c1, i didn't feel anything pulling me to read further. she wakes up. thinks of her kids and talks so little about her deal with the devil, which is supposed to be the subject of the story. hops in the shower. dresses up. see, nth exciting that relates to the story. maybe it serves a little characterisation about the mc, but i still think it could've been done in better, more entertaining ways.
+ i dunno if this is my fault for being unknowledgeable about fantasy, but i felt there was very little context about the theme. how do deals with the devil work? how's it like at purgatory? am i supposed to know all these things as a fantasy reader?
+ this takes me to another point: worldbuilding. while you're not telling me otherwise, i'm imagining the settings to be as normal as our life.
+ chapter one ends without a hint of the inciting incident, which delays the thrill. i can't see the use of the scenes written yet.
✿ characters (13/20)
during the prologue, I think you introduce 3 characters? the reason i'm unsure is bc the characters didn't sound distinct for the most part, and you didn't mention their names until later in the scene. they were jumbled up in my head, and you didn't use characterisation or any special traits for me to distinguish.
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Anna's Reviews
Non-Fiction[ closed ] get a detailed review and in-depth analysis from a self-taught literature student. sometimes, i do special reviews while requesting is closed. it doesn't mean you can request too. but hey, maybe i'll take a special request from you if...
