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get a detailed review and in-depth analysis from a self-taught literature student.
sometimes, i do special reviews while requesting is closed. it doesn't mean you can request too. but hey, maybe i'll take a special request from you if...
✿ first impression: title, cover and description (10/15)
title: overused. generic.
cover: looks good, but the same story as the title. the first impression of your book doesn't stand out.
description: i can see what you're trying to do in the description. it almost worked. below, i correct some comprehensive mistakes:
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the things you need to introduce in the description are:
main characters: not bad.
hook: not bad.
climax: you didn't introduce it. that's what you need to work on; teasing us with the hook about the climax. mentioning the main leads and throwing some adjectives around them isn't so exciting.
on a side note, azalea is introduced as a high school teen, right? for a huge and dangerous organisation like the mafia, i doubt someone like her will be assigned to any managerial position. i'm not an expert in this, but it doesn't make sense to me. i'd appreciate it if you clear this out.
also, i feel the structure in the blurb felt monotonous. subject + verb + object most of the time. try varying.
✿ plot & chapters (5/20)
+ the very first paragraph is a turnoff. two characters are speaking in the same paragraph, annoying alignment, and monotonous writing. important details are barely there.
+ i see characters speak in italian. if they're italian, why do they use english at times and italian at others? your story is in english, so this felt awkward and odd. i'm not sure if the execution of bilingual characters this way is correct, so i advise you to research bilingual characters.
+ the chapter goes on with direct info-dumping and addressing of facts. not wattpaders' favourite style to engage the reader.
+ carrying on, the book sounded like "the everyday life of azalea". nth exciting happens in c1 so far. shower, dress up, eat, converse, etc. remember to enter unimportant scenes late and leave early.
+ despite you've given slight details about some things, you slacked in other important places. like what's this place they've moved to? is it their home? why? how will it affect the story? azalea likes the reunion, but what does she think about living in that place? a lot of questions overwhelmed me as i read.
+ azalea mentions she provides for the family. again from the previous section: she is just a teen. how can she? unless i misunderstood.
+ from then on, i felt the events started getting random. street race? aren't those illegal? aren't the girls underage? how were they held? why street race specifically? what makes them think azalea is into that? then she 'smirks', indicating she likes the risk. this sounds extrovertish (to like danger), when in the beginning, she wasn't even willing to leave home? so much confusion and character contradiction.
