Sorry | Murphamy AU | vol.1

3. The art of time

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Song: Asleep (Piano cover)

Artist: The Smiths

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Murphy P.O.V

I lean in, kissing Bellamy for the sole reason that I have a little less than nothing to lose, I truly don't. I'm never going to see him again after tonight anyhow, so why not? I'm not going to die without having my first kiss. 

To my surprise, he kisses back. It's gentle and kind, not rough nor heated. I pull away after a moment and I look down at my lap, waiting for him to say something, but praying that he won't. I just want  him to forget about this. Silence is always so agonizing when you don't want it to be quiet. 

"So, we should brainstorm first and then, uh," he rubs the back of his neck nervously. "Then we can do some research yeah?" he suggests after clearing his throat. I nod, that seeming to be the only actions I can manage.

Looking at him, I notice how he looks almost happy, not weirded out or awkward. Did he... enjoy that? I know I did, but to be completely honest, I would have bet money on him being straight. I'm pretty sure he dated Clarke, this year. I heard some rumours, but to be completely honest, I didn't really pay attention. It wasn't my life, so why should I have cared?

***

My phone buzzes, I check it, rolling my eyes. It's just Mom, asking where I am. She misspells the sentence. She doesn't care, she's just trying to be a good mom. Bellamy gets up, raising his arms about his head to stretch. The shirt rises up, revealing a bit of his toned torso. I focus on a word in my textbook to keep myself from staring. That'd be embarrassing as hell. He sighs, dropping his arms to his sides. 

"I'm getting pretty hungry," he says. "Do you want dinner?" I finally pay attention to the constant hunger that I try to ignore. I nod

"Yeah, I'm starved." I tell him, looking at the mess we've made while doing this project. All of our books are out, papers everywhere, it looks like a tornado's path. I better get an A+ on this project.

We decide to order a pizza, and since Bellamy's parents aren't home, we eat in the living room while watching a show that Bellamy is very clearly obsessed with. He summarizes the few seasons in great detail. I force myself to pay attention and it's hard as hell, since people only ever really talk to me when they need me. I act interested, however, I don't really pay attention to the episode. What's the point? It's not real life, so why bother? All I know is that these two girls kiss and Bellamy squeals like a little girl and starts chanting, "My OTP is canon, my OTP is canon."  He then just grins like a big doofus for the rest of the episode, which makes me smile. He's pretty cute, if you forget about all the traumatizing shit he put me through. 

I zone out, wincing at the A-typical scene I'm living. Friday night, hanging out, watching television with soda and pizza. It's almost sickening. I bet this is a usual Friday night for Bellamy. My Friday's are usually quiet, but always lonely. The only time that they're not, is when my mom comes home early with a special guest that she introduces as, "A potential father."  

A part of me wishes that Bellamy would just bring up the kiss that happened earlier, and a part of me wants him to burry the memory.  What the hell would he even say? Maybe he's just a little curious and he knows that I won't say anything since I don't have friends, ors maybe he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I sigh, rubbing my tired eyes. I guess, just like everything else in my life, I'll let it slide.

My coke tastes weird. It almost tastes like metal. I set it aside, soon noticing that I smell it, I wasn't tasting it. Taste and smell go hand in hand- I take a deep inhale through my nose. I feel as though I'm walking on the rail-steel train tracks a couple blocks from here. They're old and oxide has taken over the metal, like moss covering an old rock. I feel a tingle of excitement, just imaging  the rush I'd feel while waiting for the waiting for the zooming convoy. I wonder if it hurts; the impact.