Sorry | Murphamy AU | vol.1

Ch.31 - Not Again

Murphy P.o.v.

I smile all the way home. When I enter the kitchen, I see that Octavia’s already home. She greets me with a hug. Ugh, this child was everything. Jason was still at work, and Bellamy’s mother was working the night shift, so she was home. “Bellamy’s at tryouts.” I announce and Susan nods. I make my way to our room, tossing my bag on the floor and sighing when I see all the clothes I had to wash. I decide to just get it over with. 

I pick up all the clothes off the floor, and empty those articles, along with the ones in hamper, into a basket and bring them downstairs. “What are you doing?” Susan asks, as I open the door to the basement. “Bell asked.” I say, motioning to the clothes and she chuckles. “How nice of you.” she says and I roll my eyes. As if I had a choice. I place everything into the washing machine, setting and adding the soap.

I reach the bedroom, but when I place my hand on the doorknob, my heart starts to race. “Nononono…” I mutter to myself, walking in, closing the door and sitting on the bed. I try to take deep breaths, but it doesn’t calm me down. What if Bellamy thinks that you and Jake like each other now? my brain thinks and I shake my head violently.Where was this coming from? My heart races faster, What if he thinks you’re cheating on him… what if he’s cheating on you? it continues and I take deep breaths, but it’s useless. Sooner or later he’s going to give up trying to help you with your bullshit. my thoughts run. You know you’re going to have to think about college soon? it brings up and tears prick my eyes. I hadn’t had a panic attack like this since the night in the bathroom at my old house, when Bellamy came in. I pace back and forth. I can’t calm myself down, and it’s getting harder and harder to breath. I run out of the room, and out of the house, ignoring Susan and Octavia, who question why I’m in such a rush.

I close the door behind me. The warm air doesn’t help much. I try to slow down my breathing but it does’t work and I worry about everything. In this moment, nothing but everything worries me and occupies my thoughts. My brain brought up shit I’d long forgotten about, and made up reasons why Bellamy would leave me. I’m no longer producing tears, but gasps for air as I count down from 100. I’m pacing back and forth on the front porch, I see Bellamy walking with his duffle bag, looking down at his phone. I didn’t want to be dramatic or anything, but I couldn’t breath and I knew he was capable of calming me down. I rush over, and I stop in front of him. He looks up from his phone and his face drops to concern. “What?” he asks,worried and I gape for words, but just pull him in, wanting him to hold me. He dropped his bag and did exactly that. He held on tightly, exactly what I needed to be able to calm down. I balled the fabric of the back of his shirt in my hands, and trembled in his arms. I hated this. I hated being weak, cause I wasn’t a weak person. I guess the reason I didn’t feel ashamed when I cried to Bellamy is because I know he doesn’t think of me as a weak, helpless person. 

We were in the walkway to his house, and I was facing the street. When I was breathing normally again, I looked up from his neck, so that I could see and who else's was standing on the sidewalk across the street, but Jake. And he was staring. I was so not in the mood to argue, so I let one of my grips on Bellamy’s shirt loose, and use the hand with the ring on it to flip him off… again, mouthing a very angry “fuckyou” to him. 

Bellamy P.o.v.

Murphy had been still for so long, that when I felt movement, I pulled him away, and say his middle finger up. I look at him, with wide eyes and he looks angry. I furrow my brows, and turn to see that Jake kid standing across the street. “Go inside. I’ll be there in a second.” I whisper to Murphy and he flips the kid off, one more time before storming back to the house, slamming the door behind him.