Sorry | Murphamy AU | vol.1

11. Years of subliminal messaging

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Song: Trade Mistakes

Artist: Panic! At The Disco

If I could trade mistakes for sheep, count me away before you sleep. I'll stay awake 'til I trade my mistakes or they fade away

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Murphy P.o.v.

He's got to be fucking kidding me! I storm into my house, and into my room. I don't know if I'm home alone, but I don't give a fuck at this point.

You idiot, since when do you take advice from others? The voice in my head spits and my only way of silencing it is to create a whole in my wall. 

"Son of a bitch!" I hiss in pain, pulling out my hand. I wince at the plaster that coats my bloody knuckles. This is all his fault.

I love Bellamy, I really do, but he shouldn't have stopped me. He claims that next time he won't, but on the off chance that he changes his mind, I won't listen to him. Mbege deserves to die. He tortures the people around him for kicks and the world would be a lot better without his arrogant ass. I could grant that very easily. Relaxing is a lot harder than normal. 

In, in, out. In, in, out. I repeat and the concentration on the breathing pattern distracts my aggression, therefore resulting in my heart rate returning to a normal pace. When it's at a steady beat, I rest on the edge of my bed, staring at the hole I've created, knowing that it'll never be fixed. I have two more around this room, which I've covered with paintings to hide from my mom.

I sit here for what feels like hours, thinking about absolutely nothing. My phone sounds and I sigh, pulling it from my pocket, reading the screen. I throw the plastic piece of crap to the other end of the room. Bellamy's the last person I want to talk to right now. I sink to the floor, counting the fibres on my carpet to distract myself from my real life. 

I count 2,091 carpet fibres and am slowly moving around my room, when my door opens. My head snaps up. I glare at him.

"You made me lose my place!" I exclaim. Bellamy gives me an odd look. 

"What the hell are you doing? And why weren't you answering?" he asks, noticing my phone on the ground. He bends down, picking it up and handing it to me, but I don't take it. I push myself to stand up straight.

"Just go back to school," I mumble, pulling up the covers from my bed, trying to get in but Bellamy stops me. 

"You can't just sleep for the rest of your life." 

"Oh? And why not? Sleep's good for you." I mutter, trying again, but he prevents me from doing so. 

"Not when all you do is sleep- please come back to school." I shake my head.

"Are you failing?"

"Who cares?" he looks at me with hopelessness. I'm used to that look. I sigh, faking a smile.

"I'm fine, I'll be at school tomorrow, I promise." 

***

I hate falling asleep because like a lot of of things, I'm bad at it. I manage to fall half asleep when I hear my door creak open. I sit up quickly. I thought mom was at work. He steps inside the room, trying to be quiet.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hiss, seeing that it's Bellamy. He chuckles, placing a finger over his lips, telling me to be quiet. 

"I was lonely and your front door was open. Shut up and go back to sleep." he says, getting in. I don't have the heart to kick him out- especially since I really want him here. He places his arm carefully around me, pulling me close to him.