Sorry | Murphamy AU | vol.1

Ch.37- The Truth

Bellamy P.o.v.

I'm too tired to do anything this morning. I'm so not up for school. As we ate breakfast, Octavia talked about winter break, and I saw that Murphy hadn't touched his cereal. He just stared blankly into nothing, biting his nails. I gently pull his hand away from his mouth and he gives me an apologetic smile. What's wrong? I mouth to him and he sighs. "The picture... I don't want people to think it's real..." he whispers to me, not wanting everyone at the table to hear. "So what if they do? We know that it's not." I try to reassure him and he send a sad smile of nerves. 

——

It's very clear that the people who follow Jake on Instagram, are different than the people that follow Murphy, because I get people running up to me, asking me what happened and I give them all the same answer. 

"We didn't break up, the picture's a fake, the real one is on Murphy's account." 

I say that a handful of times before lunch. I greet Jasper, Monty and Murphy who're already sitting at the table. "Hey," I say, sitting down. "That Jake person's taken it kinda far, don't you think?" Monty throws at me directly. "Way too far." I tell him. They already knew about the whole Jake situation and we didn't really care. I wasn't sure that they had any friends other than us, and each other. 

"Can't you call the cops?" Jasper asks, biting down on a carrot and I sigh. "I would, but he hasn't done anything they could charge him for, you know?" Murphy tells him and Jasper nods. "Cause he's borderline stalking and harassing you." I tell Murphy and he narrows his eyes, taking a breath. "He is, and he's cutting it really close..." he trails off and I can tell that he has an idea. "Murphy, we have to finish the history thing," I say getting up and he gets the hint almost immediately. "See you guys later." I tell the two dark haired boys, who wave and go on to talk about other things. Murphy and I walk out of the cafeteria and into the bathroom. I make sure no one is in there. "Okay, what?" I ask. "You said he was on the edge of doing all that punishable crap right?" he asks and I nod. "Well, what if he actually went over the edge one day?" he starts and I see where this is going. "Like you mean push him over purposefully?" I ask and he nods. "You catch him, tape or record it, we send it to the cops, and I can file for a restraining order!" he says beaming and I smile at the plan. "And if the restraining order doesn't stand, do you think we could push him over the edge literally?" he asks with his hands in prayer and I scoff. "Sure." I say and he smiles even wider giving me a kiss.

I feel like a parent telling their child that if they ate their broccoli, they got ice cream. I was telling Murphy that if he tried to solve his problem, and it doesn't work, then he could kill. 

When I get home from and end of season soccer meeting, I hear Murphy talking in my room. 

"He's younger than you are", that's what she said. Anybody would think I was doddering about on bleeding crutches. Trouble is, I still keep thinking about her. I can't get her out of me mind. Who'd have thought a ruddy great lust-box like her would have found her way into anybody's feelings? She might have looked a hard case, but underneath she was quite mumsie, and she was in beautiful condition. Do you know, I'm beginning to think she was beautiful. After all, it ain't through the eyes that you feel beauty. It's how the heart hungers for something that makes it beautiful....You know what? When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known, I can't help think about....all they have done for me. And what I haven't done for them. They looked after me. Cared for me. And I repaid them by never returning the favor. Yeah, I used to think I had the best end of the deal. What have I got, really? Some money in my pocket. Some nice threads. Fancy car at my disposal. And I am single. Unattached. Free as a bird. I depend on nobody. And nobody depends on me. My life's my own. But I don't have peace of mind. And if you don't have that, you got nothing. So, what's the answer. That's what I keep asking myself. What's it all about? You know what I mean?" He speaks out the window, pacing, and I just stood in the doorframe, confused. "Not really." I admit, not understanding what he'd just said. He spins around and sighs when he sees that it's just me. "You okay?" I ask and he laughs, holding up a paper. "Monologue for drama." he states, and that clears everything up. "Well, you were very believable." I say, winking at him. "Thanks." he says and his face changes to anger when he looks at the paper. "I don't even know why I chose drama as an elective. You know how the school has that art festival every December?" he asks and I nod. Once a year, the students would gather for an hour long assembly, where people could audition to perform in front of the school. "Well, Mrs. Patterson, is making us all preform. She said it counted for 60% of our mark." he whines, fall face first onto the bed. "You're really good. You'll do great." I laugh and he groans. "But I don't want to do it." he retorts. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Murphy became an actor. Sure lying isn't a good thing to do, but he is really convincing and is able to improvise really well. "Can you do it too?" he asks and I scoff. "And do what exactly?" I ask and he flips over and props himself on his elbows. "Sing." he says and I shake my head. "Not good enough." I tell him and he shoves me. "Shut up. You're amazing." he compliments and I blush, still shaking my head. 

We later make a plan to break Jake. Next gym class, when changing, Murphy would give Jake the heart eyes. Then, he'd keep looking at him that way, until Jake actually does something. We looked it up, and forcing someone to do something to you for you to get a restraining order on them is illegal, but the cops didn't need to know. Murphy and I know that this is dangerous, and I'm worried for Murphy. He didn't seem scared, but I am scared that Jake would do more than just kiss him against his will. I was also scared for Jake because I know that if he takes it too far, he'll be dead. 

"Mom? Do we have a lawyer?" I ask during dinner. We would need one. "Of course we do. What did you do?" she asks and I sigh at her accusation. "Just curious. And I didn't do anything. I'm a good child." I tell her and I can see that from the corner of my eye, Murphy's shaking, trying to hold his laughter. I look to Octavia, "So, what's new with you?" I ask her and she shrugs. "Not much, but there's a new kid in our class." he says with a smile. "Really?" I ask and she nods. "His name is, Lincoln, and he just moved here from Indiana." she says slowly, remembering the information. I nod. "Is he nice?" Murphy asks, and she nods. "Yeah, but he's really quiet." she says.

Murphy P.o.v.

It's finally Friday. I was excited because... it's Friday, but anxious for three reasons. Exams are in two weeks, today I need to stare, not glare, at Jake while he changed, and  I have a really bad pain in my back.

"Ready?" Bellamy asks, as the bell rings. P.E. is last period, and I don't want to seduce Jake. Ugh. I change, and when I notice him staring at me, I sigh before doing the same to him, sending sly smirks his way. I want to throw up. Not that he doesn't have a nice body or anything, it's cause he's Jake, and he thinks that I'm his boyfriend. I'm thankful when we're done changing, and I head to the gym. I decide to skip it, and I sit behind the pulled out, indoor bleachers that they were using for the basketball game after school. I rest my head against the metal, and sigh, calming my nerves. I was pretty prepared for the exams, and had studied a lot. I wanted to do really well, and was worrying about it... but at the same time I didn't care anymore. Having depression is one thing, and having anxiety is another. With one of them, you don't care enough, and the other one, you care too much. Having both his hell. I'm sitting and trying not to give my self a panic attack. I am too tired to deal with that shit again. It took so much out of me, and I didn't want to be weak again. Especially not at school. I wasn't a bully, but the younger ones looked up to me, and occasionally pestered me for fighting tips. There's a difference between a bully and a troublemaker. 

I feel my chest heave and I swallow. Good thoughts. Good thoughts. I tell myself, trying to ward all the shit away. You know... the cops might one day find out about all the shit you've done... and Bellamy will blame it all on you. You're the one who fucked up his life. You're the reason why he'll go to prison, you're never going to amount to anything. My brain ends up telling me and I let out an inaudible, dry sob. Everything around me feels tight, and I feel like I can't escape. My breath is erratic and I stand up, pacing back and forth while the class plays badminton. "It's okay..." I tell myself running my hand through my hair. "He loves you. You won't get caught." I tell myself, and actually manage to pull out of the attack before it's to late. He. Just. Pities. You. My mind tells me and it breaks me. Did he really just pity me? Was Bellamy only with me out of pity? Did he even care? If your mom hadn't died, he would have broken up with you. You would have never caught him and Clarke kissing, and he would have realized that he still had feelings for her. He's STUCK with you! The voice inside my head screams at me and it was right. He is stuck with me. "Oh my god." I tell myself, realizing the truth. All the hard work I'd done to calm myself down had vanished, and I punch the wall of the gym, hard enough for my fist to penetrate it. 

uh, oh....

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