Sorry | Murphamy AU | vol.1

13. A worthless apology

Bellamy P.o.v.

"So is Murphy coming back to school?" Jasper asks. He grabs something off of Monty's plate. Hearing his name still burns. I shrug, losing my appetite.

"You know I heard that his mom died?" Monty speaks and I furrow my eyebrows, hearing the ridiculous notion. I shake my head.

"I don't think so," I mumble. I would call him, but after a week of unanswered texts, I decided that maybe he just needs space. I keep everything a secret from Jasper and Monty. I don't think they know that we dated. I don't think anyone, other than Mbege knew.

Clarke glares at me from across the room. What the hell did I do? She's the reason why I'm in this mess. I didn't even get a chance to explain myself to Murphy before he left. I keep quiet for the rest of lunch, but once the bell rings, I pick up my bag, heading over to Murphy's. I've been pushing this off long enough.

Something feels different as I walk up to the steps. I knock on the door, it opening with the subtle knocks. I push it open, seeing a woman who isn't Murphy's mom. She's rooting through a drawer-

"Hi, um is Mrs. Murphy here?" her head shoots up and she looks at me before letting out a breath of relief.

"You scared me," she laughs. "I'm sorry to inform you, but she passed away last week- who are you?" she asks, but I ignore her. She's dead? I feel like throwing up. No wonder Murphy was at that party.

"Where's Murphy? Her son, John?" I ask quickly and she quirks a brow.

"Who's asking?" I groan at her question.

"A very concerned friend from school. Please," I beg. She grabs a scrap piece of paper, jotting down a number. She hands it to me.

***

This house is massive. A lot bigger than his old one- practically as big as mine, with the exception that this one has a garage. I ring the doorbell, a young boy opening it. He's maybe a year or two older than Octavia.

"Who are you?" he asks. Who the hell is this kid?

"I'm Bellamy, I'm looking for Murphy." I state. He gives me a weird look.

"No one by that name here." he's like twelve. What an attitude.

"His first name's John."

"Oh yeah, come in." he says, opening the door for me. "He's in his room, upstairs to the left. He doesn't like to talk much." that sounds like him. I nod, thanking the kid before making my way upstairs. I knock on his door.

"Go away." he states.

"It's me." I call from outside. There's a bit of silence before the doorknob turns. He looks shocked to say the least. He also looks tired, and paler than usual.

"What the fuck do you want?" he asks. Something about his tone angers me. He could be a bit more grateful that I'm here.

"To talk- you never gave me the chance to explain,"

"Did you stop to think that maybe you didn't deserve a chance?" he asks with the same attitude as that little boy.

"I'm sorry about your mom." I tell him, maybe that'll break the ice. He shakes his head and laughs.

"You think I give a fuck? If anything I'm happy she's gone. If she were still alive, you'd probably still be cheating- tell me. How many girls did you hook-up with when we were together?" he asks. I almost snap-

"None! What you saw was nothing more than a bad mistake and too much alcohol." I wasn't drunk, but he doesn't need to know that. He's lost the smile I used to give him.

"You know, I needed you that night because I had no clue what in the hell I was suppose to do." is he trying to guilt me? Does he know that he's succeeding? "Did you really even love me?" he asks and I give him an unamused look.

"Yes, I did- I still love you!" I exclaim, trying to get it through his thick skull. He looks unimpressed. "I'm sorry." I say.

"Not good enough." is what he replies.

Murphy P.o.v.

Two things came out of my mom's death. A two week pity vacation and catching Bellamy being a cheat. One bad thing did come from her death. I'm no longer independent. I have chores to do, and my homework is expected to be done. Mrs. Leonard, or as she likes to be called, Ethel, even checks to make sure it's done properly.

I don't eat lunch anymore since I'm forced to eat breakfast and dinner. I can't handle that much food, my body isn't used to it, but I'm expected to clear my plate. We have sit down dinners now. I have a "functional family" and I hate it. I want my old room back, I want my old life back. I don't like how everything's starting to be normal. It sickens me. 

I'm hiding from Bellamy. He has new friends now, and I want him to be happy- no I don't. I want him to feel guilty as hell. I want him to hate himself for what he's done to me.

-

I can't believe I'm about to fucking do this. Ethel made me promise. I walk into the hospital's check-up waiting room. After four nosebleeds in two weeks, Ethel told me that I might have a blood disease, so here I am. 

"John Murphy?" the speaker calls and I sigh, pushing my tired self out of the chair. I walk into the office, being greeted by the doctor. He points to the chair across from him. I'm only going through the motions of life. My emotions seem stale and my actions feel like they're actions. No meaning behind them.

"So you get frequent nosebleeds, huh?" he reads off of some clipboard. I shrug.

"Yeah... I guess."

"Have you ever broken your nose?" my reaction is to deny any and everything. I shake my head, even though my nose is broken more often than healed. He inspects it with a light, leaving the room for five minutes. He returns with a few papers, handing them to me. I don't even know how to read this.

"You don't need to be worried, you simply have a piece of cartilage that's poking at one of your blood vessels. It's very common." he reassures. "Just make an appointment at the front desk and you can come back and I'll fix it for you."

Why the hell can't he just fix it now? I stand up, thanking him. The secretary at the front desk is way too stereotypical for me. Acrylic nails and big hair. I schedule the appointment, like an adult.

I try to understand the papers, as I push the hospital doors open, walking into someone-

"Shit," I mutter- shit. Just my luck. Of course it had to be Bellamy-fucking-Blake

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