Sorry | Murphamy AU | vol.1

15. Written in bark

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Song: Change

Artist: The Young Veins

Forgets superstition by wearing in backwards, lives under ladders and sleeps with black cats
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Murphy P.o.v.

I pull away before speaking. "This doesn't mean that you're forgiven, it means I understand that it wasn't intentional." I mumble and Bellamy nods.

"Good, okay." I hope I'm making the right call. I don't believe that Bellamy deserves a second chance. No one does. For some reason, we decide to give each other free passes whenever we fuck up, but for what purpose? To use it, say sorry, and then lie and cheat to get another one? I forgave Bellamy because I love him, and whether he is just using me is up to him. I have very little self-worth at this point, so what he thinks and how he chooses to use me doesn't really bother me much. It's only a matter of time before he gets tired and leaves.

Dinner for the first few minutes is quiet and calm. "So, who are you staying with, Murphy?" Mr. Blake asks cautiously. An image of the foster kids pop up into my mind. 

"A foster family," I say, sounding ashamed. I compliment it with a shrug. "It's whatever, I dunno," I mumble, not wanting to make eye-contact. "At this point no one really wants a sixteen year old, especially one with my track record," I laugh trying to make light of the dark times. Why would any parent want me?

"Susan," Bellamy's dad says, and they quietly leave to go to another room. I open my mouth-

"Mrs. Thomson told Ian to shut up, today." Octavia blurts. Bellamy raises an eyebrow.

"What did Ian do?"

She shrugs, playing with her food. "He called her a bad word."

"Which one?" I ask and she roots around in her mind for it.

"Something like cunt?" she says unsure. I burst out laughing, Bellamy just looks shocked.

"That's like the worst word there is," he hisses under his breath and I wipe a tear, rolling my eyes.

"There are worse ones,"

"Oh yeah, like what?" he asks and I shrug.

"The 'N' word." I state and his eyes grow wide. I laugh. "I didn't say it– but it's worse,"

Their parents walk back in and take a seat. Everyone seems to be fine, but something feels strange. I don't know if it's the way Susan is holding her fork, or if it's the way Bellamy's dad is drumming on the table, but something definitely feels off. Susan clears her throat and looks at me dead in the eyes.

"How would you feel about maybe staying with us for a while?" she asks, and Bellamy practically spits his water. I hate being put on this spot like this. I feel my ears grow red and all I can do is laugh nervously.

"You really don't have to, I'm fine with the foster family," I say quietly, not knowing how else to reply. All eyes are on me. Bellamy's father raises an eyebrow and Bellamy tilts his head to the side. They both look at me as though I'm a liar. Susan just pities me, and as much as I'd like to turn down the offer, I really can't live at that other place for much longer. "I mean," I start, but Susan sits back in her seat.

"After what you did for Bellamy, it's the least we can do– you could stay in the spare bedroom," she eyes her son and I chuckle at that.

"Mom," he hisses in an embarrassed argument.