Smoke
I sat in my living room on the couch as I heard a knock on the door. Getting up, I went to the door and opened it only to find my ex girlfriend standing there.
"Bruh, what you doing here?"
"Awww, baby. Don't be that way. You didn't miss me?" Lilianna asked.
"Why the fuck would I miss ya ass? You a snake bruh." I said.
"Baby, don't be that way." Lilianna said, trying to kiss me.
Moving my head back, she looked at me weird.
"You've never turned me down. What's different now?"
I didn't say anything making her look at me.
"Ohhhh, you must got a girl now huh?" Lilianna asked.
"Mane, whatchu asking fah? We ain't together and we ain't gon get back together so dat ain't nun of ya business bruh." I said.
"Mm, you must be protective about this one. What's different with this one Maurice?"
"Well fah one she ain't you. Fah two she a real woman and she know what she want unlike you." I said.
"If she's so real why isn't she here with you now? I know how you are. I'm sure you've given her a key to your house and even thought about moving her in here with you. The reason I know that is because you moved me in here with you within three months of us dating. So, what's your excuse now?" Lilianna asked.
Smacking my lips, I walked away from her.
"Mane, I ain't got shit to say to you. I got enough on my mind. I don't need you clouding my judgement."
"How would I cloud your judgment if you're over me? If anything you know that I can see right through you that's why you're walking away from me. I know you like the back of my hand. We dated for five years. So, there's something going on with you. Talk to me." Lilianna said, taking a seat on the couch.
Putting my face in my hands, I sighed as I realized that I needed to get this off my chest.
"Aite, if I'm being honest I miss my girlfriend."
"So, why aren't you with her? What happened?" Lilianna asked.
"I fucked up." I said simply.
"Fucked up how?"
I looked at her silently as I rubbed my chin.
"Maurice, there's no point in you beating around the bush. You know that I know you so just be real with me. Be real."
"Fine, bruh. I found out she was pregnant and I-" Lilianna cut me off.
"Let me guess you freaked out and left her didn't you?"
"How you know that?" I asked.
"You must forgot... you did the same thing to me. Remember we had that pregnancy scare? Thankfully I wasn't pregnant, but you still did the same thing. Why are you so afraid?" Lilianna asked.
"You wouldn't understand." I said, rubbing my chin.
"What wouldn't I understand exactly? Do you think that women ask to be single mothers or that they ask to have to go through the trauma of getting an abortion which leaves scars not only mentally but internally because men like you think it's okay to nut in women then continue on with life as if nothing ever happened? No. We don't ask for any of it, yet men who are supposed to be men act like little boys and don't want to man up and handle their responsibilities. What is it with men like you? Do you honestly think that shit is okay?"
"Woah, yo why you taking up fah her and you don't even know ha. What's that shit?" I asked.
"Because you're wrong Maurice. I love you enough to tell you the truth. You can not agree with that all you want. I don't care. You need to get get your shit together because as sad as you are right now I know you don't want to let her go."
I felt tears come to my eyes thinking about the possibility of her actually leaving and being with another nigga.
"See, you must love her. If you didn't you wouldn't be reacting this way. If you didn't care about her you wouldn't be struggling right now. Maurice, I know that you said that you didn't want to be a daddy but being a father is actually an amazing thing. It's an experience you'll never want to let go once you finally have that little life in your hands. I know you're scared, but the thing is that I know you want to do it. Even if you do it afraid still do it. You've never been a father before so of course you're going to make mistakes. It just means that you're human. You can do this. I'm rooting for you Manny."
I sniffled as I laughed a little hearing her call me my old nickname. Before Lilianna was ever my ex she was my childhood female best friend. We'd grown up together so she knew me.
"Thanks Lilly. You right. Ima get my shit together and get my baby back." I said.
Lilianna smiled as she stood up.
"See, that's the Maurice I know. You're an a amazing guy. You were just scared. Now, I'm going to go now. Go get your girl."
"Wait.... how'd you know something was wrong with me?" I asked.
"Dave called me. He told me you had been acting weird and that he hadn't heard from you in a few weeks." Lilianna said.
"So, that shit with you tryna kiss me when I opened the door what was that?"
"I wanted to fuck with you a little since I hadn't seen you in awhile. I wouldn't have actually kissed you. I didn't know you had a girlfriend, but I respect it. I have a husband now so." Lilianna said.
Looking at her hand, on her left ring finger there was a giant rock so I knew she was telling the truth.
"Aite, I appreciate you checking on me. Now, get the fuck out so can call my bae." Lilianna chuckled.
"You don't have to tell me twice. I'm already gone."
Watching her walk out my front door, I locked the door before going to my couch and sitting down.
I couldn't believe that I'd been so fucking stupid. I missed Doe. I needed her back in my life. Even though I was terrified to be a father I was ready to man up and take care of my responsibilities. It was time.
I dialed Doe's number and waited for her to pick up. Seeing that it went to voicemail I left a message.
"Hey, when you get this can you call me back? I know that I fucked up, but I love you."I ended the call then sighed.
Hopefully it wasn't too late to right my wrongs.
