Broken Toys - Johanna Mason x fem reader

Chapter 8 - Grieving Battle

I returned to district 11 immediately after the end of the games. 

When I arrived home, Mary hugged me tightly which I did not react to. I had not allowed myself to take in my emotions. It would destroy me. 

Mary gasped when her arms wrapped around me touching my bones. "(f/n). What would you like to eat?", she asked me. 

I shook my head. "I don't need anything." 

"Yes, you do! Please. I don't want to lose another child." That made me actually face her. 

Mary's eyes were bloodshot, insinuating that she had spent more time crying than sleeping. Furthermore she lost some weight as well, not as drastic as me, but still. I did not want to make her feel worse. 

"I'm going to eat some fruits", I promised and left the house again. 

On the tree I held an apple in my hand but could not even get myself to take a bite. The sorrow was lacing up my throat. 

Suddenly Rue appeared in front of me sitting on the branch like she used to. We had always enjoyed climbing together. 

My apple dropped to the ground. 

"Rue?", I questioned quietly. 

"I'm sorry, (f/n). I didn't return to you." 

"No, it's alright. After all you are here now." 

"Don't torture yourself like that. You know I won't come back", her soft voice rang in my ears. 

"How can you say something like that while sitting right in front of me?" My voice broke slightly. 

Her hand moved to my necklace. "I will stay with you, even if you can't see, hear or touch me. It wasn't your fault. You helped me so much. Please, do the same for our siblings. Create a world where they won't have to face the cruelties we had to survive. Keep fighting. For me." 

She disappeared. 

"Rue? Rue! No, don't leave me!" 

I fell down the tree, tears streaming down my face. The fall had not been bad. Actually I did not even notice any physical pain at all. The sorrow I felt was overpowering. "Please, come back", I nearly choked on my words. 

Rue was finally free from the suffering of this world. Yet I wanted her to come back to ease my pain, to comfort me like she had always done. I had never taken that for granted. Why was I being punished? What for? 

I was a sobbing mess. All the emotions I had suppressed burst out of me. 

The sorrow was replaced by rage. I hit the tree until my knuckles were bleeding but even then I did not stop. I only stopped when my body refused to move anymore. 

My knees gave in and I crushed onto the ground. Now I could feel my whole body aching. Overexertion, neither sleep nor food for almost two weeks, emotional exhaustion. I felt devastated. I caught myself wishing I had died during my games. At least I would not have had to endure this agony then.

I woke up in my bed. Apparently I had blacked out. 

For a moment I hoped that everything had just been a horrible dream but lately the reality seemed to outmatch even my worst nightmares. 

"Don't leave the bed until you have eaten", Mary instructed me. I had not noticed her until now. 

Reluctantly I ate the food. Rue had wanted me to continue living. Not an easy task. 

A few minutes later I put my empty plate aside. 

"Where are the kids?", I wondered because Mary was in my room, alone.