"Do not teach me how to fight when I don't know what I'm fighting for!"
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The first year in college was a shit show for Kara which almost ruined her remaining years. With high hopes, she believes second year will be fun and calm for her. Not until...
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"Let's take Lily's offer if this is going to be a problem for you," Myra advises in the room. "We can start packing today."
"Yeah," I clear my throat and sit up on the desk. "That is fine." She smiles at me. Lily suggested we move in with her until we find a permanent place and it doesn't seem to be a bad idea. Lily is fun to be with and I know we'll have mad fun together, but I don't feel comfortable leaving this place.
Ivan is just next door and when I leave, all the hopes I had for us will be washed down the drain. Of course, I want to stay, but what if he doesn't want to look at me anymore? I've been waiting for him to get back so we could talk and when he did, he didn't stand for a second to look at me. I feel so guilty for doing this and it's been haunting me.
I keep asking myself if I made the right decision.
Myra and I pack half of our things; tired, we take a bath and go to bed. Another night of not being able to sleep a wink. I sit up on the bed and sigh. I feel suffocated again. I get up from the bed, put on a jacket and walk out of the room. I walk out of the hostel and plan on walking around.
Ivan's car is still here and I see him sitting inside with his head on the steering wheel. I stand there and watch him stay still for minutes. Is he sleeping? He raises his head from the steering wheel, slams his face and punches the wheel. He later comes out of the car and when he sees me looking at him, he stands by the car and stares back at me. I feel my heart beating when he starts walking towards me.
He puts his car key in his pocket, "hey," he says to me.
"Hey," the word barely comes out of my lips and he starts walking away. I exhale nd tears prick my eyes. I brush off the tear and turn to him. "Ivan," I call for him and he continues to walk away. He walks in and I walk in too. "Ivan, I'm sorry." He continues walking away. "I'm moving out tomorrow." He stops at the lounge and I sniff. "I don't want to leave things like this. I am so sorry for doing all that I did. It's hard to breathe when I think of it. I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't know how to fix this."
Ivan turns to face me. "You're leaving?"
"Yeah, if being here is going to make you uncomfortable, I'll move out."
