My employer's wife

Chapter Twenty-Nine

LISA'S POV

          Lizzie was leaving but I couldn't stop her. I slide on the floor feeling my heart break a thousand pieces. In a matter of minutes Lizzie will be out of my life, I couldn't tell her that she wasn't the only one that fell in love, telling her wasn't going to change anything
          Half an hour, I watched Lizzie leave, I couldn't say goodbye knowing fully well I wouldn't be able to handle it. I sobbed hardly feeling the lump in my heart grow painfully. I couldn't breath, it feels like the room is spinning and I couldn't stop. It gets worse until I couldn't see anything except the darkness that over clouds me

           I slowly opened my eyes looking at the unfamiliar surrounding I was in. I was in hospital but how, I didn't know how I ended up here, the last thing I remember was Lizzie leaving.
           Few minutes later after waking up the nurse came in with Jeanie. The girls weren't with her which was a good thing cause I don't want them seeing me like this
           Can I go home now? I asked the nurse.
             Yes, you had a panic attack and fainted but luckily someone found you on time" the nurse explains. She left shortly after
           "What's the matter" she asked me seeing behind my facades
           "Nothing, I was just stressed out after last night". I didn't want to talk and thankfully the girls and their dad opened the door interuptting any further prying from Jeanie
            "Mommy!" The girls screamed together running towards my open arm. John came on as the caring husband worried about his wife. Tension was still high between us but we know better to start a fight.
            Jeanie looked at me before  whispering in my ear "we are not done with this conversation" We left shortly after going back to the place that reminds me so much of Lizzie.
            Jeanie left promising to check on me later, the girls were in their room and I was left alone with John who wanted to talk with me
           "I'm sorry for hitting you" John finally says. I nodded trying to end this conversation early. I knew this wasn't why he wanted us to talk. I was waiting for him to bring it up. He walked around the room a few steps before he stoped looking dead at me, right the time has come
            "I don't care what you do while I'm gone, so far you remain here as my wife" he says coldly with no emotion He opened the door looking one more time on me "Get some rest, you look like shit" he walked out
           I was stunned, maybe part of me was expecting him to hit me or get mad at me. I sat on the bed remembering all the wonderful moments I had with Lizzie. I took my phone looking at Lizzie's number, I thought of calling her but couldn't, it wouldn't change anything. Both of us were hurting and the best thing I can do for her is to give her space to move on.
          Thinking of lizzie moving on without me scared the hell out of me but I knew it will someday happen. She will fall in love with another person and start her own life. I tried not being loud as I sobbed hardly into my pillow before I finally doze off.
           
   *****
           It was almost midnight when I woke up, John wasn't on the bed with me which I was entirely good with, I don't think I can handle sharing a spare with him. I got up quietly slipping out of my room to avoid waking the girls who are probably asleep now.
             I decided to make late night snack since I couldn't sleep which eventually lead to late night drinking. Somehow Lizzie leaving reminded me of Nikki. It was like I was experiencing the same pain all over again. I sat there drinking and sobbing until I passed out
                Mommy! Mommy I heard someone calling untill the person started shaking me. I couldn't make out the person calling but it sounds like a kids voice. I was still drunk from last night so I wasn't aware where I was.
              The voice became so loud that I screamed at them. I heard a heavy footsteps running downstairs "What the hell Lisa!" The voice screamed which eventually got me up. The first face I saw was the two children I adore so much crying
            I got up so quickly that I felt nauseous, I rushed to the bathroom puking my guts out. I was having the most terrible hangover. After cleaning myself up, I opened the door to see Olivia and Sonia sobbing.
           "I'm sorry, I'm..so sorry Mommy didn't mean to scare you". I scooped them in my arm sobbing with them. How can I do this to them, I am a terrible mother
            I saw John standing on the door flame. The girls stopped crying after convincing and promising them it won't happen again. John told them to leave so we can talk
         I'm sorry, I didn't mean to........
      
           You didn't mean to what.... get drunk? He laughed  "You know what I'm tired of this, I can't let you see the kids when you can't coordinate yourself
            What? you got to be kidding me" I laughed before realizing that he meant what he said
           "I'm not.....   You either sort your shit out or......"
            "You have no right to take my kids away from me..... Where have you been all this while huh? You think you are gonna come back from your so called work and give orders?
             I'm not taking the girls away from you, you were like this before and you know what we we went through and now that the girls are involved in your life, I won't let it happen again, I will protect my girls from anyone even from you"
            I was now sobbing loudly, part of me knew it was true but knowing that made me feel worse than I already did. I decided to say goodbye to the girl before leaving. I called Cynthia hoping she is less busy at the moment, she picked up and thankfully she was.
            The girls were in their room, they were sad doing nothing and it was all because of me. They saw me and rushed towards me. I hugged them tightly trying not to start sobbing again. I need to act like all is fine in front of the girls, that's what good parents do for their kids
              Hey kiddo I said referring to Olivia. "Take care of you sister while I'm gone ok?"
           Where are you going? Olivia asked.
             "Mommy is going on a vacation with mommy's friend" I said trying to sound enthusiastic
             "Really but why don't we get to do that" Sonia asked
            "When  mommy get back, we will do just that, How does that sound?" They both cheered jumping and clapping their hand
            "Little munchkin, listen to your sister and be a good girl" I said to Sonia she nodded
           So what do you want as a gift when I get back?
           "I want to have my own room" Olivia says eyeing Sonia
           I smiled not wanting to promise her anything "I will think about it.... What about you Sonia?
              Sonia who was having a hard time thinking of what to ask  finally says "I want a.....um wait! She finally smiled like she already knows what "I don't want my own room, I still want  to stay together in the same room with Olivia" she says
            Mom! Olivia whined pouting. Asking them what they would want have put me in a tight position
             I asked what you wanted me to buy not what I will do but I will see what I can do" I say not giving either of them any hope. They nodded. I hugged them one last before I finally left.
              I came down to see John going up and down in the living room. I ignored him ready to leave with Cynthia "take care" I heard him say. I nodded as a reply before closing the door
           I think this holiday will certainly help me to figure things out and know where I really want to stay.