Regret

Chapter Eleven- Get You Into Bed One Last Time

The almost empty pizza box sat on the small coffee table in the middle of my living room as Josh and I continued to watch a film called the Gentlemen. It was an entertaining film, but I found myself not paying attention at times.

My mind wandered off to different memories I shared with him and how things could have turned out differently if we just set our issues aside.

Josh adjusted his body slightly underneath me, and I waited for him to get comfortable before I tightened my arm around his waist. We were cuddling on the couch. My feet were tucked under me as my head rested on his chest while his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

We had done this a few times before. There would be nights after we hooked up where we would cuddle in bed or on the couch and stick on a movie or TV show. This time was different, though.

This was most likely going to be the last time we could do this.

I know that we were still going to be living in the same country, but America is a big place. New Jersey was almost 3 thousand miles away.

Although I was hoping to go to college in New York City, who knows if Josh and I would even stay in contact by then. He's going to be busy building a new life for himself, making new friends, and being there for his family, and I'm going to be here.

I'm still going to have the same drama. I'm still going to the same school and having the same friends. It won't change for me.

Josh's phone lit up on the table, and I lifted my head so that he could reach over and grab it. I kept my eyes on the screen, giving him privacy so that he could read the text without any prying eyes beside him.

He let out a loud sigh, and I looked over just in time to see him placing the phone back onto the table before moving back into his position. "What is it?" I asked not long after I put my head on his chest again.

I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of his heartbeat quicken as he started running his fingers through my long hair. The action was soothing, almost making me forget that I had asked him a question until he replied quietly.

"It was a text from my dad saying he had found us a house to move in. He has to fly over to finalise things, but he thinks it should be ready by the end of next week." He explained. I angled my head so that I could get a look at his face, but his eyes were focused on the TV.

I knew he didn't want to be watching the movie, but it was his distraction. He clenched his jaw tightly before his brown eyes finally looked in my direction. I sent him a soft smile, noticing how his face relaxed instantly.

"You'll be okay," I whispered. He responded by placing a soft kiss on my forehead. It was an action he hadn't done often, but ever since Jake's party, he had been more affectionate than usual.

"I need to confess something to you, doll."

I moved my head off him and sat up so that I could get a look at his face. I crossed my legs and tilted my body towards his direction. "What is it?" I questioned as he adjusted his body so that he was also facing me.

His hands reached out for mine, wrapping around the one that was closer to him while his other hand rested on my knee. "You have to promise me not to freak out first." He pleaded, giving me a look that screamed for me to trust him.

Not going to lie, I felt a little concerned by his words, scared that I wasn't going to like what he was going to say, but I found myself nodding my head instead. "I promise."

His eyes avoided looking at me as he took his bottom lip between his top teeth. It was a habit I noticed him do when he was nervous, which wasn't often. Finally, his brown orbs connected with mine, trapping me in as he confessed the words I had not expected.

"I lied to you at Jake's party." He started. I wanted to interrupt, but I knew he would explain to me what he lied about, so I stayed quiet. "After that kiss, I told you I was catching feelings for you, but it was a lie. It was a lie because that was the moment I realised I was in too deep. It was when I realised I was in love with you."

I felt my heartbeat fasten as the confession left his lips. I felt my head start spinning, repeating the words over and over as he waited for me to say something back. I could tell my silence was making him feel uncomfortable, so he continued to ramble on.

"I knew I got it bad when I found myself looking for you in the halls at school. When I wondered if you were going to text that day or when I found myself enjoying spending time with you after we had sex. You were there for me. You listened to me, and I'm not expecting you to say it back. I understand that this sort of stuff is hard for you, and it's wrong for me to pin this on you, but I needed you to know before I left. I needed to get this off my ches-"

I cut him off.

His lips stilled the minute mine connected with his before he registered what I was doing. I was kissing him. I couldn't give him the words he wanted despite how much both of us wanted them to be true. I couldn't do that to him. So, I let my lips tell him how I felt.

I didn't love him, but that doesn't mean that I don't care for him. I care for him deeply, and I wished that things could have been different for us. I hoped that I could have moved my issues to the side and accept that there was someone willing to give me the world. I wished he didn't have to move away, but life wasn't what you wished it to be.

I poured every emotion I was feeling into the kiss. I didn't even realise that I was crying until I felt my first tear trickle down my cheek. I pulled away slowly and stared up at him with teary eyes, and I wasn't the only one.

"I wish things could be different," I whispered as I rested my head against his while my hands were placed on his cheeks.

"Me too, doll." He placed another kiss on my lips gently before he pulled away and sent me a smirk, changing the atmosphere between us. "Now that I've blubbered a bunch of words, do you think I can get you into bed one last time?"

There was the immature Josh I was used to.