Regret

Chapter Twelve- Check Out That HotTub

A/N: Please read Chapter 11 before this one. This is the second update today :)                                                

Josh and I spent the rest of that night together, wrapped in our own little bubble. We spent the time cuddling, watching movies, and well, you can imagine what else happened. And when morning came around, I went with him to start packing up his room into boxes.

We also spent the rest of that day together, but then his dad had to fly to New Jersey, and Josh had to watch over his mom, so I didn't get to see him again until the day he was leaving.

"You should hit the road," I whispered, pulling away from his soft kiss. It was almost noon, and he was driving his dad's car over. It was going to be a long journey ahead of him, but I think he offered to drive.

He said that he wanted his parents to settle into the new house and spend some time together, so they were flying over. He nodded his head and dropped his hands from my face. "I'll message you when I get there. It's going to take a few days, but that's not including when I stop in the hotels."

"Try to get there in one piece." I joked, trying to liven up the atmosphere. We had our emotional moment over the weekend, and now the both of us were trying to stay away from that. I could tell there was more he wanted to say, but he kept it in.

"You should visit if you get the chance, doll." He said and pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock the car.

"Oh, I'll definitely be coming to check out that hot tub." He had shown me a photo of the house he was moving to, which was even bigger than most of the ones here. Then again, you got more of your money's worth in Jersey compared to California.

Josh leaned down, giving me one last kiss before climbing into his dad's sports car. I shook my head at him when he started revving the engine. He gave me one final nod before he sped off down the road. I watched as the red vehicle grew smaller, and finally, he was gone.

Our goodbye was short. It was one you gave your friend when they were going on vacation, not when they were moving across the country, but like I said, we already had our emotional goodbye.

That didn't stop the realisation from hitting me, though. The only guy that had shown genuine interest in me was gone, and I couldn't explain how that made me feel. The part of me that was scared of commitment was glad. It meant that we didn't have to deal with the complications of a relationship that would most likely end in a breakup anyway. That was a small part of me.

The rest of me was sad. I was sad that Josh was gone. All of a sudden, I felt this wash of loneliness hit me.

My legs started moving on their own accord. I wasn't sure where I was heading until the houses around got more familiar by the second. The walk wasn't far. The twins only lived a block away from Josh's home, which is probably why I found myself heading there.

I needed my best friend right now. I needed him to hug me, to reassure me that I'm not alone.

Everything around me felt like a blur.

Even when the twin's mom opened the door and told me that all four of the boys were in Xander's room felt like a blur to me. I would never have gone into his room if I didn't need this. I hadn't been in it for years, but that didn't stop me from wrapping my fingers around his door handle and letting myself inside.

All four boys looked at me in confusion, but my mind could only focus on the one sitting on his twin's floor playing video games.

Caleb could tell immediately that something was up. He took the headset off and dumped the controller on the carpeted floor before holding his arms out to me. I strode over quickly, ignoring the looks the others were giving me as I sat myself between my best friend's legs.

His arms wrapped around my stomach, holding onto my hands and giving me the comfort I needed. My back rested against his chest as we both leaned up the side of Xander's bed. He stayed silent, and I stayed trapped in my thoughts, staring at the blank space on Xander's wall.

We would do this sometimes. When one of us needed comfort, we would hold onto each other until the other person felt better. We had been best friends for 11 years. We knew how to comfort each other.

Caleb liked distractions. He liked watching the TV as I made awful jokes in an attempt the cheer him up. I was the opposite. I just wanted to be held. I just wanted that reassurance.

The rest of the guys had gone back to normal, doing what they were doing before I barged in, and I was thankful. They didn't make a big deal out of it.

Finally, my eyes moved away from the navy wall and began scanning the room. Xander was sitting on his desk chair talking to the others, but my focus was on the desk behind him. His desktop home screen was on, revealing a picture of Caleb and their little brother Lee. Harley, their dog, was sitting in between them with his tongue flopping out the side of his mouth.

The picture made me smile.

My eyes moved from the computer to the corkboard behind it. Green sticky notes with words scattered across the board with random concert tickets and photos. The photos are what caught my attention.

Some contained his family. Others were just of him and Caleb growing up, but there was one on the desk that I couldn't look away from.

It was us.

The picture was taken a couple of years after Xander stopped being my friend. His family had taken me on vacation to a lake, and his mom was trying to get a photo of me and the twins together. It took her ages to get Xander and me in a photo together where we weren't arguing.

My smile was wide, crooked teeth on full show for the camera. This was just before I had gotten my braces. Instinctively my tongue ran over the front of my teeth, glad that they were now straight so people couldn't make comments at me.

Caleb was wearing his swimming trunks and had white streaks running down his arms because his mom had put a load of sunscreen on him, protecting him against the sun. Xander stood there with sunglasses on, and like his brother, he also had white streaks running down his skin.

Both the boys had their arms wrapped around me as I stood in between them, all of us with broad smiles. I remembered this day perfectly. I remembered Xander pushing me into the water and me pulling him down with me. I remembered his mom drying my hair for me after and how she took the time to braid it before I went to bed.

I understood why Xander would want to remember that trip, but I couldn't understand why he had a picture of the three of us framed on his desk.

He was the one that stopped being my friend. He was the one that cut me off and started calling me names. Xander noticed me staring at the photo. My eyes locked onto his, trying to understand why that one, in particular, was separate from the others on the board.

Caleb decided then that it would be the perfect time to speak up. He could clearly tell that I had relaxed a bit now. "He left, didn't he?" Caleb asked quietly, but I knew Xander could hear.

I told him days before that Josh was leaving. He probably pieced it together. My eyes never left Xander's golden ones as I nodded my head slowly. Caleb's hands tightened around mine, giving me a squeeze of comfort.

"People always leave me."

A/N: You'll understand why Taylor said her last comment throughout the book if you don't already.