Blanchett

~20. Not that perfect.~

Ever since the perfect day had passed, a lot of things went down the drain. Dash three tantrum after tantrum, whilst Cate and I argued about the smallest of things. Perhaps I should not have mentioned how very well that day had gone and we would still bathe in the joy.

But the most common topic we fought about was about our future and what we wanted. The "expanding the family" topic or engagement or even if we wanted to move away some time. But we tiptoed around the words kids and engagement as if we did not dare to speak it out loud. I believed it too early to think about that. For the kids part, I was just not ready yet. Sure, we had Dash, but I did not exactly know if I could handle another kid. How long have we even been together? Two months? It was not that I could not picture myself marrying Cate, but it's too early... As well the moving away, was something we fought over.
And we note that the both of us only talked about if we wanted it or that we will do it was not even on the table, however we still couldn't help but fight.

In those weeks I learned how important it was to take your time, not only for voicing my opinion on those big decisions, but also for most things in life. It was so important to think about what you want and do before it's done. We could easily have prevented our fights, if we were listening to each other's issues and opened up in first place. Being open with your partner was vital... I wanted to be honest, but I was afraid Cate might find arguments against my opinion and then I would have another kid, without being ready.

But am I the asshole for not wanting to marry in maybe a year?

Fucking shit.

Tiredly, I walked into the kitchen, where I grabbed an empty glass and filled it up with tab water. I brought the glass closer to my lips, taking a small sip. The cold liquid was moisturizing the inside of my mouth and throat, momentously sending me into a different dimension.

A small sigh escaped my throat, while I flushed the rest of my water down the sink. Caught up in my thoughts, I didn't notice Cate walking into the kitchen.

"Why are you up?" Her voice approached me from near the counter.

I jumped a little, not expecting her to be awake.

"I was just thirsty." I shook it off, not wanting to tell her I didn't even fell asleep at all.

Her face gave me a look that said 'it's like three in the morning, shut up and lay down' and usually I would have laughed, but I did not feel like laughing right now.

The last two days I didn't sleep much, due to my overflowing mind. Overthinking is a cunt. This cunt didn't want to let me be.
Instead of resting and sleeping, my thoughts were everywhere and therefore my body could not relax either.

"You didn't even came into bed." So Cate noticed. Of course she did, I mean if no one is sleeping next to you, but always has in the past weeks that is something you would notice.

Do I lie now? Could it spare another argument?

"I wasn't tired. I thought it was best to stay in the living room to not disturb you, while I'm on the phone." That was theoretically not a lie, I just didn't tell her the whole truth.

Was leaving out parts lying?

According to the woman's expression, she didn't buy that lie. Cate cocked an eyebrow, crossed her arms and leaned her back into the counter.

A soft breath filled the silence of the kitchen. "...darling, I know you didn't sleep much these days and I know that our arguments must be the reason, but you need to sleep... and why don't we watch something together in the living room, till you fall asleep?" The way she sounded so caring made me wanna tear up, all over again.