Blanchett

~34. Dashiel.~

Bea's POV*

Just as every past morning, I turned Christmas music on, to begin with the preparations for breakfast. Throughout the whole November, I did it and now in early December, I do the same boring routine.

Waking up in the morning, making food for Dashiel and me, cleaning the apartment until nothing has to be done anymore, maybe going outside and then waiting for Cate to come home, or not.

She always came home at night, at least the first week, but that was probably only because they didn't do much, apart from a table read and organising everything. The week after was obviously more stressful, since Cate had to shoot at night some days. It was really hard to fall asleep the first night without her. The bed was just so empty and cold. Our bedroom was silent, too silent.

Don't get me wrong, I love to fall asleep in silence, but I need to hear Cate breathing, simply because it's calming.

I didn't sleep that night for more than three hours and over the day I hadn't much time to get the rest my body actually needed either.

The next time it was the same, I couldn't sleep well. I kept waking up.

It's been like that, just like it was the previous night. I only grew used to the coldness and loneliness at night. It surely isn't pleasant, but there's nothing I can do about it.

There is, no matter how less I slept, still this routine though the day.

So, once again, I'm finished making pancakes and I'm on my way to wake up Dash, who will most likely already be awake. Sometimes the boy sits already on his carpet and plays with some toys, or he lays in bed and looks through some books. There are also those days, when he didn't sleep well at night and so he's moody in the morning and if it's really bad, Dash is in a bad mood all day. Yep, we already went through all stages of moods the past month.

I'm not complaining, that's definitely not my intention here, I'm actually glad I got to be there, cause it is indeed helpful to see what his triggers are and to work through all of it. Cause, for example I learned that if he is frowning and keeps quiet, he's actually unsure about how to feel. We've had have a situation, where I had said something and Dash wasn't sure if I meant it in a good way, which I did, so he pulled this frown and kept his mouth shut.
So, I asked him about it and I am once more glad, that he is a very open kid, well he told me he wasn't sure what was wrong, or if anything was even wrong.

Afterwards, I simply explained to him what I wanted and everything was okay. It's strange how I got to know this sweet boy these past weeks.

Today seemed to be a good day though, Dashiel was sitting in his bed with one of his books sitting on his lap.

"Good morning, buddy." I smiled and he grinned back at me, while placing the book on his nightstand.

"Morning mama." The boy replied.

"How did you sleep?" I asked and opened his window to let some fresh air in.

"Good, cause I dreamed about dinosaurs!" He says, whilst jumping out of the bed and walking towards me.

Dash wrapped his arms around my legs and I placed my hand on his head, just as we do mostly every morning. Our little ritual, as I'd call it.

"You hungry?"

"Yes!" And with that said, he let go of my legs and ran out of his room.

Now that was excitement.

We sat at the table and ate our pancakes and chatted about such senseless topics, but it's very interesting how Dash joins in on the bullshit I'm talking. The best part is, he actually knows I'm not being honest. I think that's pretty smart, cause kids usually need years to understand sarcasm and things like that, but Dash is such a smart boy.