Love is Pain Sweetheart

Untitled Part 31 Just someone !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

       You know those moments that feel just so surreal. Those moments that make you want to live another day. Even though everything felt so dark and cold, just a little bit of light was granted to me. It was a moments that my head was clear and I could think about things clearly. I could cry, I could feel the pain I had locked away for so very long. It felt surreal, it felt real. A moment so real I wasn't sure if my fake mind could take it.

            Standing out on my deck that overlooked our land. I watched the sunrise in all its fiery glory. The storm had split for just a while. Warming my skin as I admired the pink, blue, purple, and orange that weaved through each other reminding me of a woven rainbow that was all misty around the glowing ball of fire.  Taking a deep breath smelling the clean air as it filled my nostrils. 

           " Beautiful isn't it." I jump at the sound of the soft and gentle voice. Not looking though I just try my best to keep in the surreal moment. I wasn't ready to leave the gentleness and the quietness of it. I was even a little annoyed that this  person I wasn't quite sure was was bugging me. Rude ! I thought exasperatingly.

             " Its surreal isn't. I like it quiet." Trying to give them the hint that I wanted them to shut up.

              " Yes the quiet is lovely. So uh how are you doing." But no they never get the hint. Mentally rolling my eyes at them very annoyed now. I feel my stomach sink at the question though.

              " I think it it was a moment. A sad moment, maybe even one of the worst, but I am capable of making it just a memory." Snarling at me like I was some kind of psycho heartless person. Even through death. I guess I was. I had become numb to it in a way. Just another persons blood on my hands. Another person who was apart of my life that came to their time of departure.

              " Your sick ya know that."Snarling behind me. The voice was still choked up from its many hours of sobbing. Its hours and hours of grieving that had still only begun. 

          I may look calm and collected on the outside. Really I was a mess falling apart slowly finding crooks and corners to stuff the pain away in to save it for another time.  Thinking back to times when I was standing above a body.  I would walk through areas we had demolished. Towns or homes. I would stand above dead children.  At first I would try to take them under a cleaner less destroyed roof. Or I would close the child's eyes and maybe say somewhat of a prayer. After about my twentieth child I just stopped. I looked at them as any other dead person. I was falling apart yes but not because of what had happened just four hours ago. I watched as the sun was just peaking up over the mountains. The fresh morning air was wafting up into my nose and rounding up my second wind.

" You just figured that out. I thought after what I did to you would have figured that out." This time I was the one snarling.

" I know you would have thought. I guess I still had hope my saving grace of a brother still loved me. Instead you let this happen. Do you even know what I have been through. Now I lost my very new but none the less best friend."

I was bothered by her words. Saving grace. I mean I use to be her everything. Then I come home and I find out she is a slut, plus she is way to messed from all the stuff going on including my ass of a step brother and father. Not to mention the she doesn't even know she was adopted when she was three. My sister was nothing to me anymore. Maybe for quite awhile but when I returned and learned all this I was done with her. The only reason I decided to bring Jasper back with me is because I found out about his little obsession with my sister and I knew I had his weakness. I should be dead by now. I was planning on killing myself quite early on but things kept coming up that was adverting my plan for them. I needed to destroy him for what he did to my beautiful and perfect women. She was amazing and perfect.