When We Happened

Chapter 10: Bikinis, Beers & Best Friends

Chapter 10

Bikinis, Beers & Best Friends

Instead of going back to the apartment, Yap and I went to the mall to buy our swimwear for his friend's party. Nag-aalangan siguro sa akin na biglang mag-bail sa kanya last minute. Hindi na talaga ako pinakawalan pa at nagpatulong pa sa pagbili ng mga bago niyang mga damit.

Akala mo walang model na girlfriend para samahan siyang mag-shopping.

Oh, wait. They're on a break nga pala.

Ang aarte.

"Ash, baka gusto mong bilisan?" narinig kong tanong ni Yap mula sa labas ng dressing room. Nagsusukat pa lang kasi ako ng mga napagpilian kong swimwear. I'm still debating kung 'yung nauna kong sinukat na black one-piece ang pipiliin ko o itong suot kong red bikini set ang kukunin ko.

Napatitig ako sa katawan ko... and saw the visible changes in it.

My body has gone through a lot in the past 2 years. The hard muscles I earned after rigorously working it and training for tennis are now gone. They were replaced by soft, but toned muscles now. Gawa siguro ito ng work-out na ginawa ko sa mga physical rehab sessions ko.

And I have boobs now... well, meron naman dati. Pero ngayon, it looks bigger and fluffier? No wonder sumasakit na ang magkabilang balikat ko, it's because of the fucking straps of the bra. Shit, I need to buy new ones now. Stat.

With the harsh lights overhead, I can't believe ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng time matitigan ang katawan ko. In a fitting room, no less. Ganun na ba talaga ako ka-busy? To think na nagbibihis na rin ako sa harap ng staff ng TMA kapag may mabilisang wardrobe-change sa photoshoots.

Paano pa kapag sa backstage na ng runways? Kapag Philippine Fashion Week na?

Well, fuck. I'd rather not think about that and have a full breakdown today, tomorrow, or any other day. Thought blocking lang... and I'm just gonna continue what I'm doing. My therapy, my physical rehab sessions, and exercise. Maybe I need to start eating right, too.

With this red bikini, I can see the scars I now have on my shoulder that I got from my surgery two years ago, the scars on my knees and legs that I earned over the years because of tennis, the stretchmarks on my ass cheeks, and the fats that are now in places where I used to have hard muscles.

I don't hate what I am seeing, to be honest. I may have insecurities about my body and I may have lost the perfect athletic body I used to have, I still love what I have right now.

It's the body that I have right now, the body that got me a new job, the body that I have worked for to be healthy again and to be back in shape after a bad, career-ending injury.

I only have one body... and I am committed to loving every single inch of it, all of its curves, edges, and cuts. I will love my body, flaws and all.

"Nakapili na ako," sagot ko kay Yap habang nakangiti sa reflection ko sa salamin. I think I have found my new favorite swimwear... and the confidence to wear one.

"Good, bilisan mo na. Nagugutom na ako," utos na naman nito.

"Oo na, teka lang!"

***

Matapos kumain ng early dinner ay nagpasya kaming bumalik sa unit niya dahil sobrang maaga pa para dumayo kami sa bahay ng kaibigan niya sa Pasig. Kaya ito, nagbabangayan kami sa backseat ng taxi dahil parehas na kaming bored sa pag-gapang ng traffic.

Tumahimik kami saglit noong nilakasan ni manong driver yung volume ng radyo niya. Oops.

"Anong oras tayo dapat nandun?" tanong ko habang nakatingin sa wristwatch ko, it's only 6pm. Sumakto talaga kami sa rush hour traffic.