When We Happened

Chapter 24: Run-away Model

Chapter 24

Run-away Model

Sir Red and Sir Simon both looked at me with worried eyes. Despite my sunglasses, the red splotches on my face gave away my crying. It didn't help that I was clinging to Shea when they spotted us at the airport lounge for VIPs.

They asked if I was okay, I couldn't lie since my nostrils were stuffed with snot. I'm not like those girls who cried beautifully. I can only do ugly-cry. Hence, me looking like a disaster and smelling like a distillery.

Being hungover and brokenhearted are just not it. Worst combo. What's worse is that I was responsible for my own heart breaking. I know I am being a coward, that I am an asshole for leaving Yap like that.

But I just couldn't deal.

I couldn't face the consequences of my actions last night. I'm terrified that it would change everything, it has already changed us. I don't want to find out if this thing between us will drive us away from each other.

I'm okay being in limbo. I'm okay being this hurt if it means I still get to stay in whatever this is we have. Decades worth of friendship might turn into nothing. Decades worth of bottled up feelings, I'm scared of them exploding and wrecking us apart even more.

I'm scared of losing him.

I'm scared that I might have already lost him.

I'm just really, really fucking scared.

So I shutdown and just went through the motions. I let them guide me in the airport. I don't know how I mustered to talk to an immigration officer, let alone answer his questions about what my trip to the US was all about. Or baka sadyang mabait lang sila at naawa na lang din ang mga nakakakita sa akin, sumusunod naman ako kaya hindi na lang nila ako sinisita sa pamamaga ng mukha ko dahil sa pag-iyak.

Pag-upo ko sa plane seat ko, inabutan na rin ako ng itim na facemask ni Sir Red at nilagay ni Sir Simon ang suot niyang cap sa ulo ko. Sobrang dyahe siguro ng hitsura ko talaga.

The thing is, wala rin akong katabi sa aisle ko and I was so out of it, hindi ko man lang ma-appreciate ang first time kong sumakay ng business class sa eroplano. Ni hindi nga ako nakaramdam ng saya nang makita kong nasa window seat pala ako.

Mas pinili ng utak kong alalahanin lahat ng ginawa ko kagabi at ang pag-alis ko kanina. I just started reading our last convo, my eyes leaking again, when someone sat down on the aisle seat beside mine. I was about to wipe my eyes with my bare hands when the stranger handed me a white, pressed handkerchief.

I only stared at it and saw that it was monogrammed with JFTB.

"Take it," the stranger said evenly.

"Uhh, thank you," I said to him after reluctantly accepting the handkerchief. Malay ko ba kung gamit na 'to?

"It's not used," he said as he buckled in his seatbelt.

Okay. Good to know. Pero hindi ko pa rin gagamitin. Pinabaunan na ako ni Shea kanina ng isang box ng tissue, if only I could find them in my carry-on bag.

"Boy problems?" the stranger asked.

Napalingon ako sa kanya at tinignan siya nang masama. "I'm sorry, but do I know you?" singhal ko sa kanya. "Close ba kita?"

Fuck. I'm so rude. But what the hell? Ang tsismoso kasi! Can't he just let me wallow in misery on my own? Alam kong magkatabi kami sa loob ng halos isang buong araw sa flight na ito, pero hindi niya ako kailangang kausapin na para kaming mag-tropa.