No Going Back (Nyck de Vries X OC)

Making amends...

A/N This chapter contains trigging content in the form of mild grief. Please remember to vote and/ or comment if you enjoy it.

It is the day after the interview and I am returning home for a week of rest. By home I mean my parents' place, not my apartment in Monaco. There is something or rather someone I need to confront. I am not looking forward to it but it has to be done. I find myself gripping the steering wheel of the hire car a little too tight. The reason why I am nervous about this is my mum and I have been against each other ever since the accident claimed my brother's life. I understand why she wanted me to quit racing but I couldn't just give up. I promised Jules that I would keep going. All of these thoughts swirl through my mind as I spot the house that belongs to my parents. I soon pull up on the driveway. I am about to knock on the door but for some reason, my fist stops short. Dammit, why has it got to be so hard? I take a deep breath as I try again. This time I am successful.

"Philippe,  Qu'est-ce (who is it)?" I can hear my mum yelling.

"C'est Jess. Elle est à la maison (It's Jess. She's home)," Comes the response from my dad. He lets me in. At least someone was supportive of my decision to stay in Motorsports. I join my mum in the kitchen.

"Maman, veux-tu de l'aide (Mum, would you like some help)?" I offer. She looks at me in horror. It's as if she has seen a ghost. She gestures for me to go away. Well, that means that she still hates me. I make a beeline for my bedroom. To my surprise, it is similar to how I left it. Even the couple of Formula 1 posters I had are still there. I am careful as I take them down. They are a reminder of what could have been if I had gone into Formula 1. Maybe I could ask Mercedes EQ if they would be able to sell them to make money For Susie Wolff's women in motorsports initiative. After placing them in my backpack I slump onto my bed. My thoughts soon drift to the day of my brother's funeral where the issues with my mum started.

It has been a week since my brother's death. Today is the day that I have been dreading. It is the last day that I have to say goodbye to my brother. I am currently getting ready to go. I am glad that the entire Formula 1 community has rallied behind me and my family.

"Jess, es-tu prêt à partir (Jess, are you ready to go)?" My mum asks.

"Je n'ai pas le choix (I have no choice)," I reply. I can feel the grief that laces my voice. I am hoping that my mum will let me remain in motorsports. I don't know why I am thinking about it now when I need to concentrate on my speech. After what feels like an eternity in the car we have made it to the venue. I am not surprised that the entire Formula 1 grid is here. This is it. I timidly step out of the car. My eyes soon settle on my brother's teammate. He looks just as bad as I did the day after. I suppose that it is because they were good friends. He excuses himself as he spots me.

"Jess, I'm sorry that it was your brother," He remarks as he joins me.

"Max there was nothing that you could have done. They shouldn't have raced that day," I responded. I soon found Charles. To my horror, he looks worse than me. I put it down to the fact that he and my brother were close. I make my way through the small crowd of drivers. I just need a hug right now and Nyck isn't here. I should have told him to come. Oh well. I can feel my emotions run high as I reach Charles. Instead of saying anything, he pulls me into a much-needed hug. The gesture manages to kick start the tears. I still hate the fact that everyone is pitying me when I don't need it.

"Thank you, Charles," I whisper.

"Don't worry about it," He replies. I may hate the pity but at the same time, I feel like it will make me a better person. Now that everyone is here the service gets underway. The thing is I will be called up to say something but there are no words that can describe what my brother meant to me. Not now at least. As the service goes on I am pleased to find that my parents saved me from the pain. It has been an hour since the service and I am concerned about the way my mum is behaving.