No Going Back (Nyck de Vries X OC)

A different kind of interview

It has been a few days since then and I am currently on my way through the Mercedes headquarters. Nyck and I have been called to do more sim and press work. The first thing I have to do today is some press stuff with Lewis Hamilton. Our press officers thought it would be a good idea to promote inclusion in motorsports. I feel like this came about based on my partnership with Susie for her girls in motorsports initiative. At least, based on the briefing, Lewis and I will be interviewing ourselves. That means we should avoid boring questions. It doesn't take long for me to make it to the press area. For some reason, I am feeling nervous. It is not because of the interview. It is because I have been joined by the best driver on the Formula 1 grid.

"Hello Jess," Lewis greets me as I take the seat opposite him.

"Morning Lewis," I try to be casual with my greeting but I can tell that I have missed the mark. I can feel the awkwardness in the air. Hopefully, it is not that obvious. It doesn't take long for the cameras to be set up. Lewis' press officer passes us our respective microphone packs."Thank you," I say as I get to work on getting the microphone sorted. Both Lewis and I are quick to get ourselves sorted. After a brief pause, we are given the go-ahead to start. "We'll get the boring questions out of the way first. Where did you find your passion for motorsports? And why did you choose Formula E," Lewis breaks the ice with an obvious question.

"Well, it came from a desire to be better than my brother, Jules. As for why I chose to race in Formula E was due to the simple fact that I am not mentally prepared for Formula 1 yet," I say. For some reason, I feel comfortable sharing a basic version of how I feel towards the sport that claimed my brother's life in front of Lewis. There is just one problem. I feel like I am bringing the mood down.

"But you have the chance to win the Formula E championship?" Lewis prompts a lighter line of conversation.

"In my rookie year, yes. It is something that I never knew would be possible due to the adversity I faced going through the junior ranks. I think it is something that you may be able to relate to," I pause to let Lewis weigh in.

"Of course. I can tell you for a fact that I felt the same way when I started winning. That brings me to my next question. How do you feel being a beacon for people who need it?" Lewis moves on to the next question. Hmm, that is a good question.

"I think it is a good thing for young girls to have someone to look up to in the way that I looked up to Jules. It's the idea of someone who has your back. In fact, I started to help Susie with her girls in motorsports initiative and through that, I was able to help a young girl succeed," I give a long-winded answer. I am noticing something. All of my answers are swinging back to my brother and what he did for me.

"Nice. Anyway, I'm going to go off script if you don't mind," Lewis warns me. Oh no.

"I do mind but I'm not going to stop you," I responded. Lewis seems to know how to read the room unlike some. I am a little worried that he is going to nitpick my past in great depth.

"I've noticed that you've mentioned your brother a couple of times already," Lewis says. He is right.

"Well, Jules was the one that showed me how to unlock my potential. I'll put it to you this way he was like your father. As in he pushed me further than I would have imagined," For some reason, I feel good for opening up to Lewis. Other than my therapist, Nyck, Charles and Mick, no one knows how Jules shaped my life. It has been twenty eye-opening minutes since the interview started and it has come to an end. I am exhausted after that. I know the reason why.

"I didn't want to say this while the cameras were rolling but Jules would be proud of the woman you've become," Lewis remarks. Dammit. He is right again. The thing is the journey is not over.

"If you'll excuse me I have places to be," I am quick to do a runner. I need to get somewhere private. I make a beeline for the women's bathroom. Come on Jess. Get yourself together. Lewis didn't mean to hurt you. The only sound in the bathroom is the gushing of the water as it falls from the tap. I am jolted awake as the cold water contacts my face. That should do the trick to keep me awake through the sim sessions. It doesn't take long for me to make it to the engineering station where I am met by Nyck, Kai and Albert.

"Sorry I would have been here sooner however I had some press things to do with Lewis," For some reason I find myself apologising. I can feel a concerned glance coming from Nyck's direction.

"It's all good. Nyck was able to set the benchmark," Kai responds with a wink. I see that he has learnt from the last time that we had a major sim session.

"I'm sure I could beat it. Eventually," I respond as I get my gloves on. After a few minutes, I got comfortable in the sim. Ok, Jess you just need to focus. I get the headphones on so that I can stay in contact with the guys.

"Jess we are going to get you to do a few laps in perfect conditions then we are going to make your life miserable," Kai jokes.

"I mean you do that anyway," I retorted as the screen came to life with the start line of a virtual version of the London E-Prix. After a brief pause, I am given the go-ahead to start my laps in perfect conditions. It is a struggle but once I get a couple of laps in I feel confident enough to see if I can beat Nyck's lap time. After a few more laps I have come close but I haven't beat Nyck's time. I suddenly feel my body grow heavy.

"Kai I am going to need a break before we do anything else," I announce. My head is just not in it. After freeing myself from the sim I find myself in the cafeteria. Nibbling on some biscuits. I swiftly found my Nyck.

"Let me guess. Lewis asked you some personal things?" Nyck gets to work on making me feel better.

"Yes. The problem is I feel conflicted. On one hand, Lewis wasn't one of those reporters who wanted a sob story. However, on the other side, I am still coming to terms with the loss of Jules even though it has been seven years. What I am trying to say is I suck at being vulnerable," I vent. I will be the first to admit that I am not the greatest at dealing with my emotions. It is something that I have come to recognise as the Formula E championship goes on.

"At least you are trying," Nyck replies. I can feel the warmth radiating from his hand as it blankets my free hand. He is right. Those seem to be the words that pick me up. I really want to give Nyck a hug but for some reason, I feel like now will be a bad time. I'll have to have one later. I have a time to beat in the sim anyway. With that out of the way, I finish my biscuits and head back to the sim area. Just so long as I have Nyck by my side I should be able to face my problems head-on.

A\N I am sorry for my lack of action in this chapter. I realise it is one of my more 'boring' chapters but the interview has been stewing in my head since Jess visited the Monaco Grand Prix. In case you were wondering I found a way to fit it in. You should know the drill by now. If you are enjoying this fic please remember to vote and/or comment if you enjoy it.