No Going Back (Nyck de Vries X OC)

A memory in the form of a nightmare (Part 1)

A/N I need to give this chapter a trigger warning as it describes severe depression brought about by the loss of a friend. It also contains strong language. I will not judge if you cry after all I cried when I put this chapter together.  One last thing this chapter has two parts otherwise it will be too long. Please remember to vote and/or comment if you enjoy this story.

It has been six months since the 2018 season came to an end and I am happy. Today is the day that I will get a fresh start. It is the first day of pre-season testing. As I walk through the paddock on the way to the garage I notice one of the new guys. He is sitting on his own so I decided to introduce myself.

"Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?" I ask. With that question, his face lights up.

"Go for it," He replies. Hmm. Another Frenchman.

"My name is Jess by the way," I introduce myself as I sit down.

"Anthoine," He responds. Something tells me that we may be good friends. After five minutes of chatting, we went our separate ways for now. Something tells me that it won't be the only time that I see Anthoine this week. Now to help another rookie with a similar problem to me. In fact, I think he has it worse than me. I am quick to join a small group of Prema personnel. Amongst them is my new teammate Mick Schumacher. He looks a little annoyed.

"Now that Jess is here we can double-check everything," My lead engineer remarks.

"So for testing, we have to make sure that we can fine-tune the balance depending on the track conditions. We also need to make sure that the cars are able to maintain the pace through corners and on straights," Mick's lead engineer takes over in outlining what we are doing today. After some more words, Mick and I are dismissed to get a snack to eat. It bothers me that he is on edge.

"Mick I know the media people are putting pressure on you but you need to relax and enjoy yourself," I say. I know it is out of place for me to say anything but I hate seeing people struggling. I feel hypocritical because I have been struggling with my own issues. The thing is there is not really much I can do to help myself until I help others.

"Sorry, Jess. Everyone outside of the team thinks I am my father when I am not," Mick vents his frustrations. I know exactly how he feels. I have often been compared to my brother Jules even after his death. It serves as a reminder of things that I have lost.

"Look. This is going to sound strange coming from me but you need to prove to them that you are a different person," I say as we enter the hospitality area. Sure my brother wasn't on the same level as Michael but every media person is saying I will be going to formula 1. Mick seems to consider what I am saying which is a good start. It doesn't take long for him to come up with a response.

"It's not strange. You're just trying to help," Mick replies. After a minute of silence, we are on our way back to the garage now that we have our snacks. It doesn't take long for me to get ready after eating my snack. Well, here we go for another season. After five minutes of waiting, I have been given the green light to go. It doesn't take long for me to leave the pits. With that, I notice the changes. The car already feels smoother. In fact, it instils me with some much-needed confidence.

"Jess you can run a practise quaily lap to give us a clue of the pace," My lead engineer remarks. It doesn't take long for me to reach the start line where I put my foot down. I get to work on setting a good lap time. I get the feeling that it may not be sunshine and rainbows. After an hour of driving the first lot of testing has come to an end. Now we have a two-hour wait. It is the formula 1 drivers' turn. While I wait I am going to see if I can find Nyck. I begin the walk through the paddock. After five minutes of looking, I can't find Nyck I put it down to the fact that he has team commitments. Instead, I have found Anthoine again. He looks a little better.