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As I had told Harry everything that had been going on the past few days. He just rubbed my back and wiped my tears. "And paparazzi and media have been so fucking crazy I don't get to be left alone anywhere" I cried and he hugged me tighter to his chest.
"Angel, first of all.. you need to stop feeling so guilty over putting yourself first, I'm not angry or upset, you told me you weren't ready and that is okay" he told me and I looked up at him to see the sincerity in his eyes. "And I was okay, and I am okay over the fact that you weren't ready, and I also told you I'd be here when you were" he said and I nodded my head.
"I know, I've just.. I've been lying to Jenna, to my family, to everyone I know" I said and he rubbed my back again. "How long have you been using, is it just these three days?" He asked and I broke our eye contact as I looked around the room for a second.
"No" I whimpered. "How long Haley?" He asked and I felt my bottom lip quiver again. "Maybe a month and a half.. maybe two, three.. five.. five months, no pills though, not until well yeah a couple of days ago" I said and he sighed as he moved his thumb under my eyes again.
"It just started a couple of weeks in to promo and I was just so anxious cause paparazzi and media had been so crazy around the VMAs and my birthday and with all the traveling I did... so I couldn't sleep so I started to smoke some pot and I slept a little better and then I was so tired during day time I needed something to keep me going so I started back up with the coke and I never told anyone cause I'm so embarrassed about it and... I can j-just imagine what the p-press would say" I cried out and Harry furrowed his brows and shook his head.
"Baby it's okay.. we'll figure it out I promise, thank you for telling me" he said and I looked up at him and I knew that I looked like a fucking mess right now but he looked like the fucking light in the tunnel for me.
"Have you talked to your therapist about this?" He asked and I shook my head. "No, I haven't told anyone" I said and he nodded his head and leaned forward to press his lips against my forehead.
"None of this is your fault, I get the anxiety and the fear of doing something wrong in the public eye we are in.. and I understand how you're feeling, but there are better ways to deal with this than drugs baby, I know it's not easy cause what you have is an addiction" he said and I furrowed my brows and was about to protest but he stopped me before I had to chance to say something.
"And there isn't anything to be ashamed of, and there is help to get and I'd do anything to help I hope you know that.. as I said I'll always be here for you whatever you need" he said and I lifted my hand to his and stroked my thumb over his wrist. "I'm so sorry to just ambush you with all of this, I really am" I said and he gave me a small smile and shook his head. "Don't tell me you're sorry one more time, I'm happy you're here, I'm happy you told me how you felt, I'm happy you told me all of this and lastly I'm proud of you for admitting your problem, that's one step in the right direction" he said and I nodded my head.
