(19) bare

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Stumbling out of the lunchroom, you press your hand against your bleeding lip. Somehow, you feel like crying. For a moment, you truly felt seen and understood, by Kylo Ren out of all people. You felt sympathy, not pity. And then he betrayed you. It's not even that he kissed you, it's how he kissed you. He made you bleed on purpose; made you realize that the conversation was a manipulation tactic. Ren wanted you vulnerable. You feel naïve, and you feel ashamed.

Hectically, you press your thumb into the scanner to unlock your door.

"Hey, what happened?" Armitage suddenly appears behind you.

Voice dulled by your hand, you tell him: "I bit my lip."

Worried look on his face, he follows you inside. It's sweet that he does, but you're not sure if you want him here right now. You already lied to him, you don't want to do it again.

In the bathroom, you take the pills out of your pocket and put the bottles onto the countertop next to the sink. Leaning down, you wash your face. Turning the water cold, you swish it around your mouth to get rid of the taste of blood. Armitage already has a towel in hand to give it to you. You press it against your lip.

Closing your eyes for a moment, you escape his anxious face. You take a few deep breaths. No matter how bad you want it, though, you cannot get rid of the feeling of Ren's lips on yours. It's like your body is mocking you for even trying. You're not even in much pain. The reason you're so upset, is how the groan Ren let out still echo in your ears. But you cannot tell Armitage. He doesn't deserve that.

At last, you have to open your eyes again and face him. You give him a smile and ask: "Why are you up already?"

"Wanted to get a head start, to prepare everything."

You furrow your eyebrows: "For what?"

"The reconnaissance flight."

"Oh, maker. I completely forgot." Tears start to fill your eyes. You wanted this job so bad, and now you're doing a bad job.

"Wait, no, no, babe. Don't cry. What's going on?" Armitage puts his arms around you. Burying your face in the crook of his neck, you press your arms to your chest as he holds you. You're weak. You never behaved like this. You never felt like this.

Armitage rubs your back, kissing the side of your head. You flinch.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." He mumbles, apologizing for putting pressure on your bruise.

"I'm just so tired, Armitage. I'm so tired." You breathe out.

You feal him swallow hard as he caresses the back of your head and ensures you: "It's okay."

After a few minutes of him quietly holding you, you sigh and look at him: "Sorry."

"Don't apologize." He kisses your cheek.

You rub your eyes and ask with a brittle voice: "How do you do this? The pressure, the stress, Ren..."

"You'll get used to it."

His deadpan statement makes you chuckle and reply: "You're really made for this, General."

"What makes you say that?"

"You just...are always so cold. In like, a good way."

Armitage raises an eyebrow: "I'll try to take it as a compliment."

"You should. It's weirdly attractive, appearing so inapproachable."

Pulling you in by the waist, he murmurs: "I'm inapproachable?"

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