Larry Stylinson One Shots II

Butterfly Wings

Summary: Louis has panic disorder, and he feels like a panic attack is coming.

This is me exploring one of the topics from my health class, not trying to make panic attacks cute or anything

-

Drowning. That's what Louis feels like. He feels like he is drowning, like the waves are slowly rising and there is nothing he can do but paddle and try to stay afloat.

"Louis, did you hear me?" Liam asks.

"What?" Louis shakes his head and takes a deep breath, trying to focus on Liam instead of his heightened pulse.

"I said we're gonna be at the hotel soon. Make sure your luggage is all ready to go," he repeats. He doesn't sound annoyed, which makes Louis feel a little bit relieved.

For the past few hours, Louis, Liam, Harry, Zayn, and Niall have been on the tour bus. They are almost at the hotel in which they will be staying for the next few days, but Louis is considering sleeping on the tour bus. He used to always sleep on the bus to have a sense of familiarity in his ever-changing environment. When he and Harry started dating, they started sharing hotel rooms.

The bus squeaks as it comes to a stop, and the five boys and a few crew members form a line of bodies and luggage at the door. Louis looks around and realize show stuffy it is, what with the many suitcases, people close together, and the all-around messiness of the bus.

"Excuse me, 'scuse me," Louis leaves his luggage and starts pushing his way through the line, trying to get to the fresh air and open space before he gets more overwhelmed that he already is.

"Where are you going?" Harry grabs Louis' arm and asks.

"I need to get out of here," Louis passively says as he pulls his forearm from Harry's light grasp.

"You can wait in line, Louis. Who's gonna get your stuff?" One of the crew members asks just as Louis is about to step off the bus.

"I can come back and get it," Louis sighs and puts a hand on the wall beside him, because he is starting to feel dizzy. He quickly makes his way down the steps and goes around to the other side of the bus. The cement underneath his legs feels warm from the day's sunshine, though it is dark now. "Okay," he whispers before letting out a long exhale. "Okay, you're okay, look at that tree," he whispers. Louis keeps his eyes trained on a tree at the end of the parking lot while he takes slow, deep breaths. The breaths don't feel like enough at first, but he has to force himself to keep breathing like this. He does this for a few minutes and doesn't feel any better, which is making him nervous; what if this turns into a panic attack?

For Louis, panic attacks include an increased heart rate, hot flashes, deep and intense feelings of fear, dizziness, and feeling like he is outside of his body. Oh, and plenty of crying.

"Harry, please come here," Louis quietly pleads to the empty, open air. He is beginning to feel like he is on a roller coaster. His stomach is turning and it feels like his heart is fluttering in his chest, and be hates everything about it. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he shakes out his hands and closes his eyes, trying to focus on controlling his breathing again.

"Louis," Harry suddenly says. Louis whips his head over to Harry, who is standing to his left. Louis wants to reach out to him, but he feels like he needs to keep his body curled up; it is safer that way. "Louis, listen to me," Harry softly begins. He sits next to Louis, facing him, and puts a hand on his thigh. "Open your eyes...good. Look at me, please."

"It's gonna happen. I can feel it," Louis desperately says as he fidgets with his hands.

"It will if we don't get in front of it. Breathe with me and it'll go away." Harry continues to speak in a gentle voice, yet one that makes Louis feel like Harry is in control of the situation. Louis grabs onto Harry's hands and tightly squeezes them, and Harry squeezes back. Harry straightens his posture as he takes a deep breath in, guiding Louis to do the same. He slightly slouches when he breathes out, and Louis follows. They continue like this, Harry matching the pressure of Louis squeezing his hands, keeping eye contact, and breathing together, until Louis finds that he feels present, under control, and safe.