Make the world go away-john shelby

Tell me

"What is it doll?" He got closer to me and rubbed my cheek. He could be so damn sweet.

"John i-" "john Michael Shelby get your arse out here!" I heard Arthur yell.

God damn it! Why is it every time I need to say something somebody cuts me off?!

John started to walk towards the door until I pushed him down onto a seat. "No, you sit." I opened the snug doors to see Arthur waiting impatiently.

"John and I are trying to speak Arthur! I'm tired of you all thinking it's okay to cut me off when I'm speaking or tell me what to do! I'm not a child anymore so stop treating me like one!" I slammed the snug door in his face and took a deep breath and turned back to john who just look gobsmacked.

"What are you looking at?!" "N-nothing" I sat down across from him and that feeling came back.

My chest felt tight and my oxygen felt low.

"You have to promise that you won't be mad and that I did it out of love and care." "Mercy I couldn't ever be mad at you, just tell me."

"When I came back from the war, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to spend forever with you and have kids but you never sent any letters to me and one of those things happened long before I wanted."

"Mercy-" "john I had to do it, I thought you were dead and I couldn't raise a child by myself but-" "mercy Antoinette bourbon, were you pregnant with my child?" It hurt to hear those words roll off his tongue.

"John I didn't want to raise it on my own. I'm, not ada I, couldn't do that" "you didn't hear from me so you just decided that I wouldn't have come back?!"

"John you said you wouldn't be mad at me." "I'm not mad you did it, I'm mad that you thought I wouldn't have come home and taken care of you both!" "John-" "no, I can't do this right now."  He grabbed his cap and threw it on along with his coat and walked off.

I told the truth, I got it off my chest yet, I feel more guilty than I ever have before
_________________________________________

I told Polly everything the next morning, everything but the love I still have for john.

"If he truly cares and loves you he would get over it and realize that you did this for your safety and there is nothing wrong with that." "Your right."

We entered the garrison with Tommy not far behind us. John wanted a family meeting and for some reason, they all felt necessary to have me a part of it.

"All right John, only one man is guarding the house. What's troubling you?" He looked at me as I sat down and I could see the pain in his eyes.

"I'm getting older, and I need a wife to start a family with, so that's why I'm getting married." My head shot up at the words that left his mouth. What the hell was he talking about?

"Does this poor girl know your gonna marry her or are you just gonna spring it on her all of a sudden?" Polly asked. "I've already proposed and she said yes." I could hear the pain in his voice.

It feels so hard to keep from breaking, the man I love is marrying another.

"I think there's a shell about to land and go bang." Tommy lit a cigarette and gave me one as well.
"It's um-

It's Lizzie stark" "what?!" The boys started laughing as I looked at him like he had 4 eyes.

He's going to marry the town whore!?

"John, Lizzie stark is a strong woman, and I am sure she provides a fine service for her customers."

"I won't hear the word. Understand? Do not use that word." "What word is that John?" "Please john, enlighten us," I asked. Lizzie stark was nice but there is no way she would give up her hustle for him.