Finding my demon (under editing)

The truth of jungkook.

A/n: I hope you all have a great Halloween. Unfortunately I got sick today so I can't really do much but I hope you all have a great Halloween!
🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

Jungkook's pov

I have a love hate relationship with training. I love it because I get to use most of my anger on little things. However I hate training because it reminds me of when I had to train with mr.jeon. He was a
strict person. He hated when I did something wrong so he would punish me for it. I was so young. He would only punish me though. My hyung never got punished for doing something bad, he could do just as worse if not the same thing and he wouldn't get punished. It was unfair to me.

Mr. Jeon would punish me in many ways. The worst way Mr. Jeon would punish me was making me hold hot or cold objects. I would get this punishment when I call mr. jeon my dad. He was embarrassed to have me as a kid. He never mentioned me to anyone. One time I called him dad when he was picking me up from school. When I got home he got a metal bowl and filled it with hot water. I had to hold it in a dark closet for 30 minutes. Each time I did something bad the time would increase.

Even now I'm 16 and I'm still scared to call him my father. Who knows maybe I would have to be in the dark closet with hot water for longer. I wouldn't want to take the chance. My hands already have enough scars from the burns. To cover them I do sweater paws, most think it's to be cute but in reality it's to hide the ugly marks left behind as a child. It may have been 6 years ago when my father last did that but I still feel the burns. I still feel stuck in the dark room.

I deserve it though. It's okay because I deserved all of it. He was only teaching me. I was being taught a lesson. He wasn't wrong. He was right. I was wrong. I was young. I was native. I deserve everything that he did to me. He's older so he knows better. I'm younger I don't know anything. I'm a follower in my dads steps. I need him. He was right all along. I was wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I was very wrong. So don't feel bad for me. I deserved what I got. Don't worry.

Mr. jeon is a good man. He thought me many things. He cares for me. He might not show it but I know he does. It may have been a little rough when I was younger but that doesn't matter. What matters is that my fathe- mr.jeon cares for me now. He looks out for me. When I was I'll he took care of me. He loves me. It's just that I'm not the favorite kid. My brother is. Why wouldn't he be? He's amazing! He can model. He's tall,kind,not messy, he's just perfect. He's the ideal son.

While I'm not. I'm not the ideal son for many reasons. I talk a lot, I'm small, I'm gay, I'm not handsome, I'm messy, and I can't go a day with out talking to my 'imaginary friend'. I'm just not as good as my brother is. My brother has always been a inspiration of mine. He's perfect! I want to be perfect. I want to be able to have a good life with out pretending. I want to wake up with out my alarm clock. I want to be good enough that I make everyone and everything happy you know?

I've always wanted to be something special to someone. I don't think that's gonna happen though. No one likes me. I'm stuck up. I'm boring. I'm self conscious. I fake everything. I'm lazy. I'm simply not good enough. The truth about me is I'm hopeless. I'm a loser. No one has every talked to me with out me making the first conversation. No one has ever started a conversation with me. I'm a loser with to much hope for the world and people around me. All I've ever wanted was love. Love was all I needed. Love, love.. only love.

I've given so much love all I want is some in return. I've never asked for anything more but the care from another human. For someone to worry about me. For someone to wonder when I was coming home. For someone to ask me if I've ate anything today. For someone to go though everything with. Ups and downs. It didn't matter if that person my future lover asking me out to dinner or simply a stranger that bummed into me crossing the street saying sorry. I just wanted a second of someone's time and worth. That's all I want.

What have I ever done wrong? Where did I go wrong? Why does everyone run away from me? Why do I only matter when I'm hurt or sick? Why can't I be cared for with out having something wrong with me? Where do I fall in people's heart? Am I just something you can replace? What do I have to do to prove myself? How do I become better? Do I change or do the people around me change? Was it always me? Was it the people around me? Am I seeking for attention right now? Should I leave everyone?

Is there a better life out there? Far away where the sun never sets? Is that the life for me? What if I do give up. I leave very far. Will they chase after or let me be. Am I important enough to chase after? Would I make a difference leaving? Would they care? Or would they not?

Words: 1000
Please comment!!
ʕ•̫͡•

My Halloween costume!!!
(I'm spongebob🎃)