My Depression Diary

March 28, 2015

Dear Description Diary,

I want help, I need help. Today I tried to drown in the bathtub again, I know how silly. It always ends up happening again and again. I know I need help and I want help. But I'm scared to get back stabbed again. I've been back stabbed to many times, people have always used what I tell them against me. I need help but I don't want to be put in a room with no sharp items. I want someone to hug me and tell me that I'm going to get better. I want someone to make me feel like I don't need to put my borderes up. I want and need to have that one person but I'm scared of them. I'm scared that when I trust them they'll hurt me. If they hurt me I don't think I'll be able to handle it. Because I'm scared I don't let people in. One of my friends tried to be that person. But when I started to trust her and bring my walls down I freaked out and put them back up. That's when she gave up on me and continued with her life, just like everybody else. That's when I gave up on myself. I continued with my miserable life and she continued with hers. We are still friends but she gave up on me. That's when I started caring a razor blade with me. Because I want to cut but I know I can't. By the way I think she saw it because she had this piety look when I saw her with my chapstick tube. I don't want to cut but I need to get rid of my pain,at least for a minute.