My Depression Diary

May 9, 2015

Dear Depression Diary,

Today has been a day filled with more emotions than I can handle, non were positive emotions. Just some of the things I'm feeling: worry, sadness,hopeless,lost, hate,sickened,failure,worthless,dead. I felt worry,sadness,and hopeless because this morning I woke up to my mother telling me to pack and get ready so if it floods. Their is currently a flooding alert where I live. I don't know if you've figured it out but my home has gotten flooded before and it took my family a year to finally move into a new home. I felt lost and sickened by my "friends" my mom doesn't get that they're not my friends so she invites them over and talkes about them like we are best friends. When I got out of the mental recovery place they didn't visit me,they thought I was sick with of something to do with asthma. Three out of the four wrote me letters, the thing was the one I thought was my best friend out of all them was the one that didn't. Only one of them actually wrote a nice letter with actual pencil, more than six words and no stains. It's okay I now one can barely spell but the other one is a year younger than me. I know I might sound mean and a bitch(I didn't want a big welcome back party or a gift I just wanted a hug or at least a phone call) but I once thought they carried about me,I had just a little hope they still cared. I still can't believe my "friends" that I basically were like family don't care. My friend that I knew for less than a year as soon as she saw me hugged me and didn't let go until we both stopped crying. I felt worthless and like a failure because I fucked up some cheese cake brownies. It was just the cherry on top to a terrible day. The thing is I want to be restaurant owner so for the last month I've been trying to cook. All my recipes end up the same... terrible, I seriously think I should give up. I've been feeling death the whole day and I just feel like curling up into a ball and dieing.