My Depression Diary

July 8, 2015

Dear Depression Diary,
Today I came way to close to cutting. I somehow managed to stop myself. I just wanted to blade to end my pain for at least a minute. I got a anxiety attack yesterday. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and their was a weight on my chest. It had been a while since my last anxiety attack. My brother pushed two of my triggers in less then a minute. So I exploded and started yelling about a lot the things that happened to me as a child. When people pull the right trigger I exploded and start yelling, crying and kind of get aggressive (sometimes). I also start yelling things that I wouldn't want people to know normally. I'm lucky that I haven't told any classmates about my suicide attempt, thanks to my friend. Anyways my brother pulled a sensitive trigger and I started to cry and had a anxiety attack. But then he needed to pull a dangerous trigger and I just completely lost it and started to yell and cry. I don't normally let people see me like that but the family councillor was their. My brother didn't know about my triggers but still who blames a person for something they regret day after day, my suicide attempt. On top of that tell them that they have been through more then them but didn't try to kill them selfs and call them weak for attempting suicide. Since yesterday I've been thinking that it would of been better if I would of died. I wouldn't have to hear all the judging or see all the looks I'm given. I wouldn't have to deal with the world anymore.