My Depression Diary

November 12, 2015

Dear Depression Diary,

I'm a cold heartless bitch. I admit it but I never wanted nor meant to be one. It happened over the years. I learned to not show that I cared or any emotion besides hate to prevent from getting hurt. I never wanted to be hated. My own friend hates me. She's innocent and hasn't learned about life. She might be the same age as me but she is innocent and gullible. Sometimes I can't help but hate her. But that's only because she reminds me of my self as a child when I was just starting kindergarten. I still hate myself for being so innocent and gullible. I understand I was just a child but I let him brake me I fell and I hate myself every single day because of it. But my friend isn't the only one that hates me manny other people hate me too. It hurts to know that you're so strongly hated. Shure I act like I don't care but sometimes my demons are uncovered and they start screaming. Yes sometimes I question whether it was a good thing that I survived my suicide attempt and start considering it again. But the only thing that stops me it my mother's pain. I don't care about my life I would be fine if I didn't get to take another breath of oxygen but I'm still alive for my mother. So yes I'm a cold heartless bitch but it's the only way I know life.