My Depression Diary

October 5, 2015

Dear Depression Diary,

Today I was called perfect even though I'm no were near perfect. All my life I had worked for one thing and one thing only, perfection. I have always put being perfect on the top of my priorities. Today I was called the one thing I've wanted to be my whole life, perfect. I've always felt like I'm competing with my siblings. Like I've said before my brother has the brain's well my sister has the looks. It has happened to me before that I show someone a picture of my sister and they don't believe we're related. They always think I'm lieing because she's so beautiful and I'm what was left of the genes. Even though I'm the youngest I've always felt like I needed to more mature. I'm what they would call average. There's nothing special about me. I've never done something I want to do. The truth it I lot of my charters are based off of the part of me I wish I could show or wish I could be like. I've wanted to dye my hair a bright blue but I've never done it because it's not considered professional. I've wanted to pierce my cartilage but it wont be professional. I want several tattoos but they won't be professional. I want to dress in all black again but I'll get called emo because of that simple reason. I want to be me. I don't want to fear what other people think of me. So what sometimes even I think I've gone mad. Maybe one day I'll be able to be myself without fearing what others will think. But for now I'll keep trying to reach perfection.