Strangers, Again

So Lonely

So Lonely by Jorja Smith

________

Lizzie's POV

I didn't get much sleep last night. All I could think about was them kissing and it would always push me to my limit. I would have to muffle my cries so Maya wouldn't hear me from the other room. The last thing I want is for me to explain that the family she wishes to build with Y/N is slowly becoming too blurry to see. I'm starting to lose all hope and that breaks me.

I called Alfred to drive me to work today. I'm in my own world. I'm spacing out. I don't think I have any energy left in me to pay any attention to the road, and if I drive, I would end up in a car accident. But, what I didn't realize was that I'm still wearing the necklace she gave me. I touched it carefully, reminiscing all of our great memories and how happy it made me feel.

But, as I am reminded of great things used to be, it starts breaking me little by little. We were each other's world, but now it looks like she found someone new. I'm no longer the reason why she smiles, and what I thought took space in her heart, didn't. She told me she didn't regret anything that happened between us in Hawaii, but I find that hard to believe. Now, her lips are on someone else's. It fucking hurts.

Tears poured out my eyes easily once more as my lips quivered in sorrow. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish that none of this is real. I'm hoping this is one bad dream, and I would wake up to find myself inside of her arms. Is that too much to ask? I just want to be happy. With her.

Unfortunately, the world is not a grant wishing factory. It doesn't want me to be permanently happy. When things were starting to look promising for me, for us, that's when it all fell apart. It finished before it could even start. I had a taste of what I missed, but it was stripped away from me like it never belonged to me in the first place. Now, I'm left empty handed with nothing but a damaged heart.

To make matters worse, along with their kiss, came the paparazzi pictures of them in an amusement park. I told myself I wouldn't look at them, but it was like I was asking for pain because that was all I did last night. She looks so happy when I'm not with her. Like, she has forgotten the great times we had. It didn't take more than a second until it drove me to the very edge of the cliff.

I don't want to feel this way anymore. But, every time I stop, and try to make myself feel better, to move on, it keeps knocking me down again and again. And the worst part of it all, the pain has become a regular inside of my body that I'm used to by now.

I had to pull myself together when I arrived at the construction site for today's shoot. I tried to look as presentable as I can be, and told the makeup artist to pay my eyes extra attention because it clearly needs some from all the crying I did. When I was done, I made my way to the set, where I saw her from afar.

We stared into each other's eyes, and I could feel it. I could feel the wedge between us. We're close, yet so far. When my eyes began to water, I looked away. I turned around to compose myself before I went on about the day.

My assistant told me about my schedule for the rest of the week, but I didn't pay her any attention. My mind was somewhere else, and I was unable to pull myself out of the hole I dug myself into. No matter how much I tried pushing it off, it would always come back and bite me, making the situation worse.

Before the camera started rolling, I saw Y/N in back leaving the scene. It made me feel empty watching her disappear into oblivion because I want nothing more than to have her around. I don't know why everything in my life feels so goddamn conflicting. I just want a break. That's all I ask. A permanent break. I've been through enough.