Strangers, Again

Let Her Go

Let Her Go by Passengers

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Lizzie's POV —

This was it. The one thing I was afraid of. I would be lying if I said not once have I ever imagined her proposing to me that night. It crossed my mind plenty of times. Probably more than I can count. I thought a lot about it. I created all possible scenarios, and the proposal was the one that stuck out to me the most. For years, I've tried convincing myself that my mind is just playing tricks on me. It wasn't because I couldn't see her asking me. It was more so for my sanity.

But, everything came crashing down when she told me that she was going to propose to me that night at the beach. The exact same place I told her I was in love with her for the first time. I wish there was a way for me to explain what I was feeling when I found out, but the pain, if you can even call it that, was indescribable, it felt a lot like dying. I was hoping it wasn't true, and that Rosie only said it because of the heat of the moment, but when the words, 'I was' came out of her mouth, it was like my heart gave out.

I stood there, feeling paralyzed. And when she left, I fell apart completely. I broke down like never before, and all I could feel was the void in my heart. I find it hard to stop myself from crying because all these years I've convinced myself that I'm stronger than this. I shouldn't let the pain win. But, I couldn't help but let the sorrow win. It waited for so long. Now, it's here to stay. Permanently.

I didn't go back inside. I texted Scarlett and told her I was leaving. After Alfred dropped off my car, I mindlessly drove to the one place that my heart wanted to go. And so, there I was. With my hand against my chest, walking toward the spot where my life would've changed. For the better. I stood there, looking around the empty space, tears pouring out of my eyes naturally despite the effort I'm putting to not break down so easily.

Suddenly, it hit me. It hit me all at once. And that's when everything I thought I've ever known, every memory, every choice, every moment, it spun around my head, reminding me how lucky I was to have someone like her, but in one night, I lost everything, more so than I can imagine. For what could've been the start of our forever, I chose the wrong path.

"Please, I want a do over." My lips quivered in pure sorrow. "I'm so sorry for everything."

I shouted as loud as I could in an attempt to channel the indescribable emotions out of my system. I thought when she left three years ago, and when I found out that she's with someone else, the pain that I felt during that time, and the endless nights I would spend crying myself to sleep, I thought I've hit rock bottom. But, I was wrong. This is it. This is my rock bottom.

I didn't even realize I was back home until I found myself in front of my house. I don't have anything left in me to open the door, let alone walk inside. All I want to do is lay down in bed, and think about what could've been my life now if I showed up that night. I'm mentally exhausted.

"Hey, Liz, you're back." MK said. "I've already put Maya to bed, so-" Her demeanor changed as soon as she saw the state I was in. "Hey, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

I lowered my gaze to my feet, the tears coming back for once again, "I... I don't..." I stuttered in between sobs. "It's all my fault."

"Lizzie, what are you talking about?"

"Every terrible thing that happened to me from that night up until this point." I finally looked at her with my bloodshot eyes. "I guess I've always known, but there is no one to blame for my demise but me. I could've had it all with Y/N. The night of our anniversary, she was going to propose to me. She had everything planned out. I had one job. And that was to show up. But, what did I do? I left her there. For three fucking days. I left the love of my life for three days without knowing how she was willing to spend forever with me, and I... and I couldn't be bothered to show up. I really fucked it all up."