Habit || Tommyinnit ✔️

Tommy

"I miss her." I said with a soft voice. It was just Tubbo and I in the apartment. We were laying on the living room floor, lights off with the Television as the only source of light. It was playing youtube but neither of us were paying attention to it.

"Me too, Tom. I know you guys had something more than you'd like to admit to me. Ranboo even saw it, and he sucked with emotions and determined them." Tubbo said with a small laugh.

"I liked her. I've been in love before, but never like that. Even with Emmy, I really liked her. I just couldn't let go of-"

"I know, Tom. It's okay, it seriously is." Tubbo said, turning his head to look at his best friend.

"It feels like it won't be. It's been two years and she still like, she still has this hold on me. It feels like i'm never gonna love again. She was my first kiss Toby. She was the one i sat up all night thinking about. She made the bad moments, moments I realized were not half as bad as I thought they were. She made everything light up. Now everythings just dim and faded. I try to be the same old me, but everyday that passes, a little part of me feels guilty for ever letting myself falling that hard for someone i never could completely have." I ranted. I wiped my face of the small tears i accidently let escape his eyes.

The door to the flat opened but neither of us moved an inch, we just stopped talking.

"You guys look upset. You okay?" Wilbur asked, Niki and Jack in tow behind them.

"We're fine, just talking." I replied, tilting my head back in a painful way. My head was against the carpet so it hurt a bit more than I expected it too.

"Well get up, we have food." Jack laughed. Tubbo hopped off of the floor and helped Tommy up. The pair walked to the kitchen and ate. I decided it was best to hide my emotions and just laugh along with everyone. Niki and Jack came to help us move into our apartment. Phil would be helping the following day and after that, it would just be the us, Me Will Tubbo.

The five of us spent all night unpacking their things, leaving the living room and kitchen for everyone else tomorrow. When Phil and Kristen walked in, I was the only one awake. I hadn't thought too much of my appearance. I had been in my room all night. It actually turned out looking amazing. There were LEDs hung around the room and behind my setup. They were set to a light purple at the moment. My bed sheets were set up on the mattress just set up in the corner of the room, only until I got a bedframe. When everything was done, I decided to write another letter. It didn't get finished as I heard Phil and Kristen walk inside the flat.

"Tom, you look rough. Are you okay bud?" Phil asked me, his face showing concern. I saw Niki and Jack cuddle on the floor together in the living room. I just assumed Tubbo and Will were asleep in their rooms. I nodded and grabbed a water from the fridge before walking back into my room.

Phil followed me and I quickly slipped the letter into my drawer. I just spun lightly in my chair, trying to keep my attention focused on differing things in order to keep myself awake.

"You're missing her again, huh." Phil asked, closing his bedroom door and leaning on it.

"No." I lied. I'm always lying.

"That's a lie, Tom. You're shutting down again. It's okay to miss her. If it helps any, she's doing well. Traveling I hear." Phil said, voice low and soft.

"Good, that's- that's great. SHe always talked about doing that. Seeing her friends in Chicago and visiting the dream smp people in person. Visiting her grandfather to start everything off. I'm proud of her. I actually uh- i haven't slept at all tonight. If you don't mind, I'm gonna try to sleep some." I replied with a smile, allowing my tears to fall once Phil was gone. I pulled out the letter and continued writing the letter.

Dear Fal,
10-21-22
It's like six in the morning for me as i'm writing this. I'm so exhausted but every time I sleep I dream of you and I. I miss you, a lot. I've missed you a lot recently. I know nobody probably updates you about me, everybody updates me about you though. The last update I got was a few weeks ago telling me you finally got emancipated. That's great, Fal! I'm so glad you're following your dreams! You seem to be doing great and I'm so proud of you. SO very proud of you. Your achievements make me so happy, even if I miss hearing it from you yourself. Honestly, I'm not doing too bad myself! Will Toby and I are all moving in together! Or, well we already did. I know you probably don't care, it just took me so long to do so. It was something I've been stressed out about, especially with it being so far away from my parents and Eryn and Freddie. They are actually driving out here next week to come visit and stream and such. Aimey and Billzo as well, though I'm not sure you know who they are directly.

Phil just came in. It's like seven thirty now, he's helping us move in. I've not slept at all, I probably look like shit. He told me you've been traveling. Well now i'm rather upset and missing you, so before this goes places i don't want it to i'm cutting the letter off.
All the love,
Tom Simons