LILAC (Fred Weasley)

Chapter 36

„Dear Diary,

I might have managed to make things even more complicated.

Thank me later for providing you constant drama.

I still feel guilty about the kiss- or rather kisses. I know I said that Kenneth and I aren't an official thing, but I still said we are some sort of thing nevertheless. Meanwhile Fred and I were nothing back then, it seems to me that Kenneth and I are way closer to the relationship status.

So the kiss means I cheated. No idea how to deal with that situation, especially since every moment I have to think about it.

Also I am not fond of telling Gemma about it. I know she will look down on me and tell me off for my wrong behaviour, then she will lecture me immediately and will force me to speak with Kenneth about what happened.

But you know what? The whole day I didn't want to face the consequences at all and I don't think I will face them tomorrow. I know myself that I have to tell Kenneth, to tell him the truth (maybe not exactly that I never really had feelings, I don't want to do that to him). I can't do that longer to me and him.

It was me believing if I would just stay long enough in that situation I will develop the feelings that are needed. However, I just never needed to develop feelings, I already had some, just for the wrong guy.

Today we ate Breakfast at the Ravenclaw table, just Gemma and I. Louis was with his friends while Sean sat with his. That's when Kenneth approached us. I couldn't stop the feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach when he sat down.

His face is looking a bit better, thanks to the crèmes and potions of Madame Pomfrey, and still I couldn't look at him properly. My look settled many times more or less behind him onto the Gryffindor table.

He only wanted to make sure I'm alright and how my detention went, but then he also asked me out to another date, claiming we left enough time between the last one.

I ditched it closely with a lie. I told him that I am still not finished with Snape's cauldrons and that I would need to go back that evening. Also that (before he could ask) I have so much to do with school work the rest of the weekend, that there is no time in meeting for a date.

I think Gemma suspects something. She was looking at me with her usual thinking look. She sure will figure it out the sooner or later.

And before Kenneth or Gemma could say or ask another thing, Flittwick approached me and took me with him. Bless this man. He wanted to make sure that Snape was civilized to me in his detention given that he knew about the detention and the circumstances that lead to it.

Furthermore, Sprout waved me over to where she was seated at the teacher's table and asked me for a favour. She trusts me enough with the key to her Greenhouses that are usually forbidden for students outside classes. (Well I would almost say wrong thing since I pranked the plants but alright) I needed to refill some pots since she was busy with other things she needed to tend to.

Of course I would do that favour for her. She is a nice lady and it gave me something to avoid Gemma and Kenneth a bit longer. It surprised me when Cedric joined me on my way out of the hall. Sprout asked also him to help. It was nice hanging out with him though.