Eyes of the Blood Moon

Always for Her

I watch from the safety of the shadows as three figures along the morning sky walk down the gravel road away from the church.

Ella, Sarah, and Mildred. They were talking in hushed voices, I couldn't hear through the little window, but I could tell they were anxious.

I watch as Ella walked with such grace and fluidity. She had a way of walking in one swift movement she seemingly glided along the gravel. She looked so innocent and pure in the morning glow, it suited her.

I haven't seen her in days, she's angry with me. If Beverly meant what she'd said, then Ella hadn't told anyone. But Ella also never trusted Bev. In fact, Ella had been willing to listen to me, until she saw Beverly was also apart of it. Perhaps there's a reason...is Bev really not trustworthy, if Ella doesn't find it so?

I continue my sad gaze until they disappear behind some trees and out of sight. My stomach hurts, but not from hunger. It's a pit feeling, deep in my stomach it almost feels like it's in my soul. And I know exactly what it means, Riley is dead. I can feel it. How did he not feel the feelings of the second birth? The rejuvenation! Have I gotten this wrong?

I fall to my knees and clasp my hands over my head. Taking in deep gulps of air as I desperately try not to let the tears slip through.

"God, God please," I plead, waiting in agony for a response. The ringing in my ears is so loud it's engulfing my entire reality till it's the only thing I can hear. "Please Lord, I am having trouble seeing the path you wish me to take. I'm trying not to my Lord, but I am having doubts! I pray in your name, call out to you, I need your guidance!"

My knees start aching from the low position I am in. In a few minutes I have my breathing under control and I've calmed down. But I still can't help but think I am getting something wrong.

I pull myself up of the ground, carful not to touch the flood of sunlight in my little room.

Ella doesn't trust Bev, and maybe there's something there. Riley didn't feel the sense of religious relief I've felt, and even gave up his gift. But for what? There's also another question...how did I die? I was poisoned, I know that much. But by whom?

The puzzle pieces seem to be falling out, like they never even fit at all.

Ella would know. She could connect them. She's proven her mind to me, a really smart girl she is. Just thinking about her...

I feel my face flush, knowing I've gone red. I can't stop thinking of her sweet smile, one that makes my knees weak and my breath short.

I run my hand through my messy dark hair and take a deep, shaky breath. Somehow it doesn't calm my heart, it beats faster every time she's on my mind.

The way her melodic voice sounds when she sings. She's a siren, with an enchanting voice to match. Or the way her mind works, the way she speaks to me, her sassy, innocent responses make my mind twirl. They flow out of her so smoothly.

I sit on my bed, my head is spinning as I feel her familiar scent fill my nose. It's just a memory, an illusion but it's somehow got me in a passion filled frenzy.

I absolutely love the way she twists me up. I've never felt a sensation like this before but it's euphoric. It's a drug, I can't stop no matter how hard I keep falling.

I've fallen so hard in love with her, and I can't help but feel I keep messing up, pushing her away. I don't know how she could ever feel the same about me now. She knows who I am, maybe it was easier to live as Paul Hill than John Pruitt. If it meant I could feel the soft touch of her lips on mine again I'd change back in an instant.

But that's not how life works. And that's not how God wanted it to work. I so desperately want to live a life with her, to love her openly and feel her love back. Perhaps we'd live in her house, with her cute little cat. And I'd cook her meals, the way the Sheriff had, and I'd make her feel safe and loved for the rest of her life. But that's not how God wanted me to be.

It was cruel, really. I had been given this second chance...wait. I'd been given this second chance. By Him. A chance I can live that life, with her. A chance I can take, as long she accepts the blood tonight. That's why I need to keep doing this. Oh thank you Lord, Thank you. You've shown me why. For her. Always for her. So we may live a painless, deathless life for the rest of our days. All I need to do is spread the gospel amongst the island, and for her. Always for her.