𝘉𝘓𝘐𝘕𝘋𝘚𝘐𝘋𝘌𝘋 | 𝘈.𝘏. ✔️

• Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen: I Can Make All The Tables Turn

This was a bad idea. A horrible idea that you suddenly came up with after you went back to Hotch's room. He cleaned you up and carried you up the stairs like a princess because you said you were sore, then proceeded to fall soundly asleep in a matter of seconds. The white envelope had been burning into your skin for so long as though it had eyes of its own. It was placed on his bed side table next to you, waiting, creeping, for you to open it.

For the past two days you've had self control, opting to stay away from his room altogether to avoid the wave of nausea that might come with opening it up. What the real dilemma was, is that you don't even know if what's inside will contribute to the case. Sometimes you do wish you would take Hotch's offer into consideration of becoming an agent. The search would be easier and even if you want the team's help, there would be a sense of independence coming with it. You'd have access to the database. You are already good with technology and could hack your way in.

Despite your best efforts, you slid slowly out of the covers, tiptoeing over to the nightstand and gripping the mystery envelope. You only had a big t-shirt on that you guessed Hotch had dressed you in when you were practically asleep in his arms. You were thankful for that as you don't feel extremely exposed and had he woken up, he wouldn't see you completely indecent. The curtains were slightly opened, the window allowing a cool breeze into the room as the sound of cars could be heard running through the suburb.

You look over your shoulder, making sure he hadn't stirred awake at your movements. He was tucked soundly under his comforter, gripping the pillow under his head. You smile softly at the sight.

Thankfully- there was an on suite bathroom so you wouldn't have to completely leave. You finally touch the paper and rush to the bathroom, closing the door softly behind you.

"Jesus christ," you mumble once you see yourself in the mirror. Bruises and hickeys littered all over your neck and thighs. Your hair was in a knot and your mascara was building under your eyes. You turn in the sink and slash your face with some water in an attempt to wake up. You didn't even know what time it was.

Once you were content on the- attempt- to fix yourself up, you slid down onto the floor and took the envelope between your fingers. "What am I thinking?" you whisper.

It was bland but old, obviously, by the way it had a brown tint and a ring of coffee stained in the front. Something was written in cursive on it, you couldn't read— it almost looked like a different language. Instead of dwelling on it, you broke the seam in the back. It was already loosely fastened so the paper didn't rip.

Before looking inside you took a deep breath and allowed your head to fall back on the wall behind you. There wasn't anything you could find in here that would make you go crazy— that's what you keep telling yourself. Axel has left a mark and now you're trying to focus on Lesly and why you got the money. Axel could be handled later once you put everything together.

It was a jumbled mess even for you. As a lawyer, you're used to messes and things being complicated— however this was beyond your capabilities. You think back to what your sister Sam said to you the day she died.

"You know everyone has a breaking point buttercup? It's not something that you can push or change, it's just there to exist as protection," Samantha explains as she sits at the dinner table with you, explaining the math homework you have.

"How do I know when that is? I could keep going forever and be miserable..." you counteract. The original point of the conversation was out of the window. You were crying over algebra and Sam happened to see you.

"You know when that is when you have a physical meltdown— just like now," she attempts to laugh dryly to lighten the mood.

She reaches over and takes your hand in her, giving it a light squeeze. "Y/N you push yourself too hard. When there is something you want you go after it, but you have to remember to look out for yourself in the process. You will kill your self over chasing things beyond your reach."