Rogue Ranger

Chapter 25 Give and Take

Lights flashed. Images passed by in a blur, like a motion picture wheel on high speed. Voices sounded light distant echoes, none of their words discernable. The only object of Ji Hoon's attention was the small white face with pale lips and closed eyes, a suggestion of death. But he refused to think of it. He panicked every time he came near the thought but his will for her to live overrode it. He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't lose her; not his Laura.

He had been through the valley of shadow before. Pain and grief were not new to him. And yet it felt just as raw and fresh as the first time, a sting to the heart that felt like something was clawing his insides. But the shallow movement of her chest rising and falling in struggling effort gave him a straw of hope. Dangling off the edge of a cliff was less stressful.

Seeing her in bed now, still as a corpse yet alive, breathing, fighting for her life, he came to realize just how much he loved her – and also the realization that she loved him hit him hard. She had thrown herself in the crossfire for him – to save him. She had not heeded his instructions; instead she put herself in danger for him. His heart ached at the thought and he couldn't breathe.

He wanted to ask why; yet he knew why. She had made it clear to him before. And yet he could not understand how she could do this to him. For a moment he also resented her for it; didn't she know how much pain she was causing him this way? By being at the threshold of death's door?

Then he realized it – she had done exactly what he would've done for her. She knew him better than anyone else and perhaps wanted to prove her love this way. He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple tight in his throat. Love can be either the most beautiful virtue known to man, or the bitterest. It held the highest degree of happiness, but also the lowest abyss of sorrow. And love's greatest pain was loss.

He clasped her hand between both his own. It was cool and limp, as though lifeless. His eyes penetrated her still face, pleading silently for her to awaken. It was now the third day she was in a coma; he hadn't left her side, or the hospital room for that matter. He felt the need to be by her side as desperately as he needed oxygen. But seeing her like that tore his heart and when they were alone, he would shed silent tears watching her.

Not a word he spoke; and yet he communicated with her soul as deeply as two souls could speak to each other. He knew as much as he dared to know that she could hear him. His heart reached for hers. And he hoped it was enough for her to survive.

"Awake yet?" Andrew popped his head through the door. Ji Hoon, without taking his eyes off Laura, shook his head. Andrew deflated.

"I'm sorry." He said coming in. He took a seat on the couch.

"Have you eaten yet?" he asked. Ji Hoon didn't bother to reply. Andrew sighed.

"She'll wake up soon, I'm sure of it. But if you don't take care of yourself –" he gave up on the lecture when he saw Ji Hoon's immovable posture. Andrew ran a hand over his face.

"I'll be outside." He whispered and left. Ji Hoon appeared oblivious to him and continued to gaze at Laura. His hand idly stroked hers, remembering the times she had held on to it. What he'd give to feel her hand in his again, holding tight.

"Laura..." he exhaled.