Lost Cause

Chapter 27

There's moments in time when fear is the only state your body knows. That stomach gripping, body aching fear. It stays in your body and it doesn't seem to want to leave.

That's how I've felt for the past three days since Dad's call. Christmas Eve is tomorrow, and mom hasn't left her room except to eat or check the front door. I wish I had the same innocence that Jordan has because he just thinks that she's waiting for dad. When in reality she's waiting for people to show up at our door and tell us that he didn't make it.

My nightmares have started up again, so I haven't really been sleeping. Each one starts off the same. I'm at the house, and there's a knock on the door. I'm the only one home, so I slowly open it to find my dad standing there with a duffel bag at his feet. He's smiling while he holds his arms out for a hug. That's when things change.

The first night the background changed from our front yard to a battlefield, there were soldiers screaming in pain; others were firing off guns in the opposite direction until they got shot, either in the head or neck. I woke up covered in sweat, my mouth ajar like I was getting ready to scream.

The second night starts the same, but this time it's my dad holding a gun. His face is badly burned so much that the skin is hanging off his jaw. The smell of burning flesh and singed hair filled my senses and it woke me up, I was shivering with the amount of sweat that covered my body.

Last night, god, last night had to be the worst one. I went to hug him, except he wasn't there anymore and the duffel bag that was at his feet ended up in my hands. I spun around to look for him, only to realize that I was the one that ended up on the battlefield. But when I turned back around, he was in the house still dressed in his fatigues, face burned and missing an arm and a leg. Across his back was a bomb, and it was ticking down. It was only then that I realized the duffel bag was ticking too.

I tried to rush back to the house but with each step it kept getting farther and farther away. Mom and Jordan were pounding on the windows, screaming for me to help them. The door shut and it was suddenly engulfed in flames. As soon as it exploded the bag stopped ticking long enough for me to open it and see a bunch of grenades about to go off. I woke up screaming with that one.

I've already been up for five hours and it's only seven in the morning. I can't close my eyes again, I fear I'll see the burned bodies of my mom and little brother next.

I texted Jax when I first woke up to text me back as soon as he got it. He's the only thing keeping me sane right now. He doesn't know about the nightmares, it's something I haven't told him. On the outside he tries to act like this big tough ass when he's really just a huge softie, so I know that if I call him he'll be over here without a second thought to comfort me. But I don't want him to lose sleep over something that's happening to me.

My phone buzzes, thankfully dragging me away from my thoughts.

Hey hermosa. u ok?

I smile. Big softie.

Hi baby, yeah I'm ok.

Liar.

I scoff. How is he supposed to know that? He can't read my emotions over text message.

How do you know im lying?

u texted me at 2 in the morning. Thats not normal for u.

Yeah I'll give him that.

Point taken. Just couldn't sleep.

Still worried?

Yeah, i know it could be nothing but idk i dont like not knowing whats going on.

Nobody's up yet which is why I can hear the knocks on the door loud and clear. My heart immediately drops and the only thing that I'm thinking about is trying not to throw up.