Lost Cause

Chapter 29

I knew this was going to be hard on top of the loss of my Dad. I guess I underestimated how hard it was actually going to be.

It's been three days since I told Jax I wanted to focus on my family and I haven't heard from him. It's been radio silent and I'm struggling with that. Since we've met this is the longest we've gone without talking or seeing one another.

It's starting to affect my nightmares. I don't get why. I mean I did this to us, I'm the one that said I needed to step back. In place of my dad dying now it's Jax. Last night's nightmare was completely different then what it has been since the last call with dad.

Instead of it being at my house it took place on the football field and it was Jax's body that was broken. The part that made me wake up in a sweat was the gaping hole where his heart should be.

I know it's just a trick of my mind and the subconscious thought that I've torn out his heart by suggesting we take a break. Knowing that and feeling the fear that ran through my body at the sight are completely different.

I picked up my phone ready to call him, just to make sure he was alright but then realized it was three am and he was not awake. So instead I sat in silence listening to the wind outside and decided that falling asleep would not be something I did. I can't chance that my mind won't make my thoughts worse.

I was surprised this morning when I walked down the stairs to see mom in the kitchen, cooking and humming. Something in the letter dad wrote her must have woken her up in a way. Speaking of the letters I walked into the living room to see that there's only nine letters left when I'm pretty sure that Corporal Williams dropped fourteen off.

Taking a closer look I see that he wrote all of my friends letters, there's some for me and Jordan. Well the only people that were over the past three days were Jax and the Michelson's. So that means that they also had letters addressed to them and they took them.

I pick up my phone to text him but take a look at his contact picture and see his smiling face. But all I see is the way his face contorted with pain when I said we should take a step back.

I sigh and throw my phone on the couch next to me. I scrub my face with my hands feeling tears start to well up. I am so fucking tired of crying.

"Alex?"

I look towards the doorway and standing there is Vi and Rosie.

I clear my throat and rub my eyes, "Hey."

The concern they have for me is reflected in their eyes and they're soon running around the couch and wrapping me in their arms.

I sniff and let go of them, "Why are you guys here?"

They pull back and Vi is the first one to speak, "Well when Coach called and told us that Christmas Eve wasn't happening anymore cause something came up we kinda put two and two together."

I forgot he did that. Obviously with everything going on neither mom or I were in the mood to host or go to a party. So after Corporal Williams came back the day after to go over the arrangements for the funeral, Uncle Ricky decided to send out a group text to everyone that Christmas Eve wasn't going to happen. I feel bad for everyone else, they were looking forward to celebrating Christmas, especially the little ones.

I get that their world didn't just change drastically but I just feel like we're letting them down.

"Plus we may or may not have gotten a call from Jaxon." Rosie mentions his name softly.