Lost Cause

Chapter 31

It's cloudy today and it's been raining a lot this morning. Seems only fitting that the day we have to bury the most important person in my life that the sky feels gloomy too.

Last night Jax and I fell asleep, and for the first time since I found out my dad was dead my nightmares were small in comparison to how they have been. I didn't dream about him looking mangled, instead I dreamt that as they were lowering the casket into the ground he was banging to get out.

Alright, so I guess that's not really small but from how they were only a couple nights ago I feel this may be a tiny win.

But that peaceful night where we told each other that we loved one another was over just as fast as it started. When I woke up this morning reality crashed down on me with a weight so heavy I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Jax tried his best to get me to laugh or at least crack a smile but today isn't going to be the day that happens. He offered to drive me home so I could spend part of the morning with my family before we head over to the cemetery.

We had walked down the stairs and the Castillo's were in the kitchen, as we passed each of their faces held a bit of pity in them. Even Isabella's. On the ride to my house Jax said that they would be there to show their support for me and my family.

I don't think they know how much that means to me.

But now I'm standing in my room, alone. It's suddenly becoming clear that this is a nightmare I won't wake up from. I see myself in the mirror and notice just how bad I look. No makeup on the planet will be enough to cover the dark purple bags resting underneath my eyes.

"Lex, how do you tie a tie?" A tiny voice asks from my bedroom door.

I glance over my shoulder and see Jordan looking down at the tie grasped in his tiny hands.

"Hey kid, here let me help you," I squat down and he walks over to me. "Alright so first you have to pop your collar. Then the tie goes around your neck, like this."

I settle it around his neck before moving him to the mirror so he can see what I'm doing.

"Okay so next step is you put this part underneath the other so you make a circle. Then you loop it through the circle you just made, once you've made an even tinier circle you slide the end of the tie into it. Pull it so the knot is nice and tight, there you go."

I fix his collar over the tie and straighten his jacket. He looks extremely grown up right now and if I dwell on what I just did for any longer I know I'll start crying. If I start I won't stop, and I've had enough of crying to last me centuries.

"You look pretty Lex." He meets my eyes in the mirror.

I'm just wearing a regular plain black dress, one that I've had to wear to other families' funerals. It doesn't feel right but it's all I got.

"Thanks J. You look very handsome."

Although it's winter time it's not cold enough for a suit jacket so he's just in a dress shirt and slacks.

"I love you." He turns around and presses a kiss to my cheek, gives me a quick hug then runs out of the room.

"Love you too." I mumble.

I hear two pairs of footsteps walking up the stairs and am confused about who's here because everyone's supposed to meet us at the cemetery.

I don't have to wait long to find out as two of my best friends come barging into my room.

"What are you two doing here?" I look between Rosie and Vi.

"We didn't want you to have to ride alone." Vi answers.