Baseball Bats and Sour Wolves

Chapter 59

Derek sighs, he's a little nervous for his chance to talk to Scott and he's pretty sure Isaac will want to talk to him. He was such an ass to him before and Derek is certain that Isaac wants to tell him that. Which he knows he deserves, he's just not sure how to make it up to Isaac, maybe promising to not do it again, hearing him out and listening to whatever Isaac has to say to him. Maybe he should approach him first..?

Derek is a little lost, he's not sure what to do, or if he's supposed to wait for Isaac to make the first move or not. With Isaac's history Derek isn't sure if he'd be willing to approach Derek first, or if he'd prefer Derek come to him. A part of Derek has a feeling Isaac would prefer to drop the subject and never mention it again, but Derek wants Isaac to be able to trust him, to come to him when he needs anything even if Derek's no longer his Alpha.

Maybe Derek should ask Stiles what he thinks, he might have a stronger feel for Isaac's emotions than Derek does and can help him figure it out, but in a way that feels like cheating to Derek. So, maybe he'll wait a little to see if Isaac reaches out first, and if he doesn't extend the first hand. That sounds like a good plan, but the problem is Derek doesn't know how long he's supposed to wait for Isaac to come to him, before he decides to go to him.

This is such a mess, maybe Derek should just go to Isaac and apologize for how he treated Isaac and reassure him that it won't happen again, try to explain why he was so harsh, not excuse his behavior, but give Isaac an explanation for it, he deserves that much. Derek might bring it up with Stiles regardless, another opinion never hurts and he might have good insight.

This really is a mess, but Derek knows he should've apologized to Isaac a long time ago. He'll just have to wait for tomorrow when they begin their chats again.

_________________________

Derek is not nervous, but by the way everyone keeps flicking their eyes to him every couple seconds his face must be doing something weird. Okay, so maybe he's a little nervous and maybe they can all feel it through the pack bonds even though Derek tried to shut his connection down before his emotions could overwhelm everyone else. Or maybe it's the lack of his presence in the pack bonds that is unnerving everyone right now, Derek is a little too good at doing that.

Stiles has been shooting him worried looks all morning, even Peter was shooting weird looks at him. Derek isn't sure he'd call it concern, but it looked close enough, and through the pack bond they had both felt concerned. Okay, so maybe Derek is freaking out a little, but it's fine. He takes a deep breath and focuses on the scents of his pack. It centers him a little, but he's still a little nervous.

He never got to talk to Stiles about his plan, or if it was going to be a good idea. Derek isn't sure who is talking to who, but he knows that Scott and Peter have to reach some sort of agreement, and after he's done talking with Scott, Lydia will probably demand to be next. Derek should probably talk with Boyd and Erica.

Isaac isn't the only one he wronged, he was a shit Alpha and he knows that, it's about time he acknowledged that and owned up to it. Hopefully they don't take it too personally and hopefully they can work something out together. But Derek has to try to talk with them about this because he was an ass and they deserve to know it wasn't their fault. Derek exhales, having come to a decision, Isaac's situation stresses him out a little more than these two do.

Derek walks towards Boyd and Erica carefully, he's still a bit nervous to ask them if he could talk to them for this round of Get Your Feelings Out, as Derek has dubbed it in his head.

"Hey," Derek says unsurely, Boyd and Erica look up at him from their spot beside each other on the couch, they look a little wary but not distrustful, Derek takes that as a good sign.

"Would you guys minded if I talked to you for this one?" Derek questions. Erica looks a little surprised, Boyd's expression doesn't change.

"Yeah, sure." Erica smiles weakly and Derek gives a small one back and looks to Boyd who gives him a sharp nod in response and Derek's smiles gets a little bigger.

"Uh great." Derek replies and with another nod walks away awkwardly.

_________________________

When Stiles finally tells them to break off into their groups Derek is still a little antsy, but he makes his way to the love seat Boyd and Erica have basically claimed as their own. They both look just as nervous as Derek feels, but Derek is determined to inform them that his shitty behavior doesn't have anything to do with them, that it was on him for being a shit Alpha.

"Okay, so if you guys don't mind I'd like to go first." Derek says softly and without looking up at either of them.

"Go for it." Erica responds and Derek assumes Boyd agrees with her because he doesn't protest.

"Look, I just wanted to let you guys know that you were the best Betas I could've asked for and the way I acted towards you had nothing to do with you. That was on me for being a shitty Alpha, it was a lot of power that I suddenly had and it felt like I was half crazy because our bonds weren't stable. That's not an excuse for how I acted, but you guys deserve an explanation for the way I acted." Derek swallows and decides he needs to just keep going.

"I killed my Uncle for the Alpha spark and my wolf knew his was family, it was grieving, so adding the stolen Alpha spark to the mix didn't go over well. It was constantly howling, or snapping and it made me irritated, the lack of sleep didn't help. My point is that I should've handled myself better, especially when you guys were relying on me after just shifting. I was an insensitive ass a lot of the time and I should've been better to you guys, supported you. Like a real Alpha, like Stiles is already doing now." Derek sighs and chances a look up at the two of them.

They are staring at him, Erica looks like she has tears in her eyes, but Derek thinks it might just be the lighting. Body's stoic face is no longer stoic, his mouth is parted and his eyes wide. Derek's eyebrows furrow, did he say something wrong? He looks between them and wracks his brain, but can't think of what he said that would have gained this reaction.

"Derek," Erica starts, she stops and clears her throat. "That was um a lot, but I never really blamed you. I mean yeah, you were an ass, but I figured it was a lot of pressure and you told us off the bat that you wanted to turn us because you needed to be anchored, or you'd go crazy. So, don't put all the blame on yourself, we willingly were turned with those conditions." Erica smiles wetly at him and Derek blinks at her, mouth agape.

"Yeah man, I mean I figured it was a lot of pressure. You were always so stressed, but you never let us help. We tried, but you don't open your walls easily and we didn't want to push you." Boyd adds, and Derek blinks again.

"Oh, um." Derek trails off, he wasn't expecting them to not blame him for this, so maybe Isaac won't blame him either, although he has every right if he does. "Alright, I'm glad we cleared that up and I'm sorry I was such an ass." Derek concludes with a strained smile.

Erica and Boyd laugh before leaning forward and wrapping Derek in a group hug, Derek smiles softly into Erica's shoulder. This is what pack is meant to be, this is what it should feel like.