Between Us and These Bones

13

TW: some mentions of blood and violence

Also a little bit of Tarryn's time in Juvie is also revealed. I know it can be confusing, but it's something that is related to future chapters, so please have patience.

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Sometimes breathing hurt.

It hurt to breathe now.

My heart constricted, walloping in pain that made it impossible to breath. I glanced out the window of the plane, trying to breath through my nose. Trying not to draw attention to myself.

On a plane full of men and women - including three older brothers - vowing to keep me safe, it proved otherwise difficult.

Carson kept taking my vitals every half an hour, worried about my heart. Matthew didn't help any, reminding him to do it. Skyler worked on his computer, giving his two cents whenever I complained about the other two.

I excused myself to the bathroom, annoyed.

"Are you feeling okay?" Matthew asked, glancing up from his phone when I stood up.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes."

I moved to the rear of the private plane, one owned by the Feds, towards the bathroom. Inside the bathroom, barely enough to move around, I leaned on the counter, dipping my chin against my chest. I breathed through my nose.

It hurts because sometimes the air you inhale doesn't leave your lungs, making them grow bigger, taking more space, and your heart becomes claustrophobic. It becomes incapable of beating properly, so it either holds it's own breath in, causing your whole body to ache because how can an almost silent heart beat enough blood, or it gives in to the fear and goes insane, beating faster by the minute.

I squeeze my chest because this fast beating hurts too much, and just maybe if I squeeze hard enough, I can finally make it stop, but I can't.

Soon enough, it's not only my heart that's aching. my head starts to drum to its own beat, your ears go numb with bitter screams no one can hear but my tongue goes dry, and every muscle in my body stands on alert, as if all those aching parts of me are invaders and my muscles are supposed to protect your everything. my muscles see my brain fuzzing up and beating nonsense, so they disconnect, take charge, so that I can't move my body anymore.

My tongue slips between my teeth and presses down, maybe blood will quench my thirst. It doesn't. It only fills my mouth with a awful metallic taste that makes my stomach churn. I shove myself away from the counter,

Those countless screams get counter attacked by a piercing voice making me feel like I'm going deaf for a second. Then everything, the noise, comes back and I am paralyzed with panic.

I cannot love, my chest hurts so fucking much. I can't breath, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. The marble counter fades in and out, blurring, as I clutch my neck, gasping for breath.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. I think I'm dying, it was the only thing that made sense. I'm dying, that must be it. I'm dying and it hurts. It hurts.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Carson knelt at my side but didn't . "Take your hands from your throat, Tarryn." I try but my hands won't move. My nails dug deeper, burying themselves in my skin. My brother moved quickly and took my wrists, pulling them away from my throat. I fought him for two seconds before giving up.

"List the planets." Carson pulls me into his lap, hugging me tight. I didn't care, it made me feel
safer. "Tarryn, list the planets. C'mon bub, you can do it. Focus on remembering the solar system."