thoughts

86

slam talk
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am i tired or just "lazy"?

i'm tired. but not in a "i need a nap" kind of tired. how am i tired? what do i need a break from? i've had far too many breaks from school because of my poor skills at waking up in the morning. i've cut my hours at work how many times. i've taken nights to myself. what do i need a break from? why am i so tired? what is making me tired? i feel lazy. or maybe that's society's way of telling me, i'm not tired i'm just lazy. they tell me to be proud of myself for even getting out of bed today but that is not enough. it's never enough. i always feel like i need to be perfect. i need to be ahead of the game i need to be perfect i need to be perfect. but that's not why i'm tired right? all those countless nights i layed in bed, not doing my assignments for school, and then i fail and hate myself. i bring these things upon myself. if i sit there and do nothing all the time how am i tired? how can i become tired by doing nothing. i'm exhausted but how? i don't need a nap. i feel like i have sleeping pills regulating through my body constantly. but i cant sleep at night. i'm tired but i'm not sleeping but it's not that kind of tired. then what kind of tired is it? why do i feel this way? why cant i try harder?