thoughts

118

i got broken up with lol so here's me venting 😁

i gave a lot of me to be able to love you. and i viewed you as my life. i cherished every second i spent with you because i was so scared it would be our last. i hung onto you like i was scared of falling yet i already had the moments your eyes met mine for the first time. i appreciated all the nights we spent together, and i will miss falling asleep next to you. i think i knew it was going to happen. the last night we spent together, you didn't hold me like you used to. and when we woke up, you didn't kiss me. i cant even remember the last time you kissed me. i miss you. i already miss you and i only just lost you last night. and i can tell this will break me, even further than i already am broken now. as soon as you told me and we talked it through, i drove to a party. and i drank and drank and drank until i couldn't feel anymore. i threw the bracelet you got me out the window on the back roads. and i sat in my friends drive way holding myself while i sobbed because i knew i could never hold you again. i know that in time i will get better, and i'll forget it all ever happened. and i think the part that hurts the most, is that i don't even feel angry with you. none of it was your fault, and it just happened. but i hate how sad you were when you had to let me go. and how sweet you sounded. and you wouldn't stop asking me if i was okay. i wasn't okay. i was very far from okay. i'm scared of the healing process. and it feels like i'm healing more than i'm loving in these past few years. i want so badly to be happy, and i feel upset with you for taking that away from me. i hope in time you will find yourself, and find true happiness within yourself and not another. but i will not be waiting to see it happen. you deserve the world, and i'm sorry i couldn't give that to you.