✓ GREEDY HEARTS | JAY

34 - Can't Catch Me Now

Y/N'S POV

Yang Jungwon's reaction to Park being on the verge of collapse makes me acutely aware of the gravity of my actions. Jungwon, who had been guarding the door, rushes in, his hand on the weapon holstered at his side. "What the hell just happened?" He demands, his eyes shifting between Jay and me. His instincts are on high alert, and I can see the gears turning in his mind as he tries to make sense of the chaos.

What am I supposed to say? That I stabbed him to convince him that I'm not worthy of love? That I pushed him away because I know he'd be in danger if I let him get any closer? That I was too selfish and self-centered, allowing myself to have feelings for someone when I know the only thing I'd end up with was pain and regret? The words sit heavy on the tip of my tongue, but I can't bring myself to utter them. So, I do what I do best—I lie.

"He was a threat," I say, my voice steady and cold. The lie slips off my tongue effortlessly, and I watch as Jungwon's eyes narrow. "You too. Unless you want to end up with a wounded shoulder like your boss here, I suggest you get out of here and never come near me again."

"A threat?" I watch as he squares his shoulders, his gaze flickering between Jay's pained form and me. "Are you fucking kidding me? A threat, you say? He's been taking care of your sister and finding out about everything to keep you safe and what do you do? You stab the person who risked everything to find you. What a fucking joke you've become."

Jay, still clutching his wounded shoulder, struggles to stand upright. The pain etched across his face is undeniable, and the hurt and betrayal in his eyes tell me he's indeed been shattered by my actions. I avoid his gaze, my focus locked on Jungwon. "You're dismissed. Leave before I decide to make you my next threat." I'm trying so hard not to show just how much his words break my heart. I'm not one to talk, and I know I've pushed everything to the brink. But it's the only way out, and if it means it's the only way to keep the two of them out of my trouble, then so be it. 

"You know what, Baek Y/N? I never thought I'd see the day when you'd become the real threat." The words sound unreal, but they pierce my heart like a fucking knife. And it bleeds until there's nothing left but the hollow ache of my own making. "But the two of us were so damn wrong thinking that you can be trusted. A thug is always a thug, no matter how well they play the act. You were never any different from the rest of them."

I clench my fists, the pain of his words sinking in deeper than any physical wound. But I only watch as he helps Jay get on his feet, the blood soaking through the fabric of his shirt. There's a part of me that hopes he'd turn around and look at me just for one last time. But even that last time doesn't come. His back is all I see as they leave, disappearing into the shadows of the corridor. The door closes, leaving me alone in the dimly lit room, surrounded by the echoes of my own shattered world.

The tears I've been trying my hardest to hold back finally break free, streaming down my cheeks unchecked. I sink to the cold floor, my hands trembling as I run them through my hair, gripping at the strands in frustration. What have I done? I ask myself, but I know exactly what I've done. I've burned bridges, shattered trust, and inflicted pain on the one person who dared to love me in a world where love is as rare as a diamond in the rough.

All because I want to save him. Because I can't bear the thought of losing him when all I've ever known is a world where people disappear without a trace. The irony is not lost on me—my attempts to protect him have only driven him further away. But it's for the better, and I'd like to believe that, even as the words taste bitter on my tongue.

"Red?" Niki's voice makes me quickly wipe my tears and stand up, though my shaky composure doesn't go unnoticed. "Are you crying? What happened here-" He pauses when he notices the blood on the floor and the faint echo of distant footsteps in the corridor. 

"It's nothing. You should-" I don't get to finish my sentence because Niki wraps his arms around me and holds me in a tight embrace. He's still young, and I've always teased him about being bigger than me, but right now, in his arms, the roles blur, and I'm grateful for the unexpected support.

"It's not nothing," The fact that someone as young as him can see through my façade leaves me momentarily vulnerable. I hate letting him see me being all vulnerable and weak when I'm always trying to be my strongest for him. I hate letting him witness the fractures in the armor I wear so diligently. "You're always so strong, Red, and you have always saved me when I got my ass in trouble. I know I'd never be able to save you the way you save me, but at least let me try. I'm not a kid anymore, and I can handle more than you think."

I allow myself to break down in Niki's arms. I allow myself to be weak in front of him for the first time in my whole life. But that doesn't matter because he's family, and family sees you at your most vulnerable and still stands by you. Though I'm not ready to spell out what I ended up doing to Jay, he doesn't press me for details. Instead, he simply holds me, and I think that maybe, just maybe, it's okay to let someone in, even in the darkest corners of my world.

It's night when I find myself dragging my fatigued body to the apartment I used to call home. I take the keys from the vase of now-dead flowers by the entrance and unlock the door. The familiar scent of the place wraps around me as I step inside and I take a moment to let the memories flood in. The quiet hum of the city outside, the creaking of the floorboards beneath my feet, and the worn-out couch that I used to crash on after long missions—it's a world I left behind, a world that feels both distant and achingly familiar.

But what makes my whole body freeze and my breath catch in my throat is the smell of the familiar, expensive cigar that Jay's father seemed to favor. I follow the trail of the aroma, my steps heavy, until I find myself standing in the doorway of the living room. And there he is, sitting in the dim glow of the lamp, the man I loathe. When he raises his head and stops smoking the damn cigar, his eyes lock onto mine. His gaze is sharp, calculating, and there's a sly smirk on his face that makes my blood boil.

I clench my jaw, my fists tightening at my sides. This is not a surprise. I knew he'd catch up sooner or later, and I had hoped it would be much later. "What are you doing here?" I manage to force the words out through gritted teeth.

He stands up, the cigar held casually between his fingers, and starts pacing towards me. "Oh, just checking on my little spy. Word gets around, you know? I didn't think you'd easily be able to stab my son. I must say, you exceeded my expectations." I hate the way he smirks, reveling in the discomfort he's causing. I hate the way his mere presence makes me rage and want to disappear at the same time. "What's the matter, Agent Red? Cat got your tongue?"

"You asked me to leave Jay and fucking disappear, didn't you? That's exactly what I'm doing. You should be happy." I fire back, knowing damn well if I allow myself to punch him in the fucking face and unleash the pent-up rage within me, his men wouldn't waste a single second before they rushed in to subdue me. So, instead, I clench my fists and force my anger down, locking it away in the depths of my being.

His laughter echoes in the room, a maddening sound that grates on my nerves. "Happy? You think I derive joy from your pitiful attempts at defiance? I'll let you taste freedom until you think you're out of my reach. Then I'll make you crawl back and beg for the chains." Then he shakes his head and walks past me, uttering words that will haunt me for the rest of my days. "Your parents didn't die in that car accident. They were killed because they loved the freedom they thought they had. Don't delude yourself into thinking you're any different. It's in your blood."