✓ GREEDY HEARTS | JAY

27 - I Hate Everything

JAY'S POV

I watch as the disappointment flashes across Y/N's face and before I know it, she yanks my hand away from her side, where I was attempting to tend to the wound. "Don't touch me." I don't know if she intended for her words to sting, but they cut through the air like a razor-sharp blade.

She cannot be serious about this. I refuse to let her shut me out like this. As she storms out of the room, I follow her, my footsteps echoing in the corridor. "Y/N, stop." She doesn't, but she's not fast enough to run away from me. And she's injured. "Y/N, stop," I plead once more, my hand gently grabbing her arm to halt her, but I'm once again, met with resistance as she wrenches her arm away.

"What part of 'don't touch me' didn't you understand?" She snaps, her eyes ablaze with anger and hurt. It's a look I never wanted to see on her face, but here I am, the very reason for the storm within her. "I get that you're trying to save my sister and I'm so fucking thankful for that. I'll do whatever shit you want me to do, but please let go of me. I'm injured and in pain and I'm barely holding it together. I don't need you adding to the mess."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. It's not just frustration and anger in her eyes—it's desperation and exhaustion. I run a hand through my hair, struggling to find the right words. "Y/N-"

"Don't call me by my name. Red is fine. Next time I hope you won't leave everything behind and run to me. I might mistake it for something it's not." She spits out the words, her tone bitter, and I stand there with her blood on my hand, staring at her walking away into the shadows of the dimly lit corridor. I'm not about to admit I'm in love with her because I'm not. I care about her and I want her, but love? I'm not sure.

I decide to give her the space she needs, even if it feels like letting go of a lifeline. I make my way to my office after sending Ms. Yoon to her Y/N's room to patch up her injuries. I'm sure her wound had worsened after she trained with my guard, which reminds me to call him to my office. When he knocks on the door and steps inside with his face slightly bruised and an apologetic expression, I motion for him to sit.

"What happened in the training room?" My question is direct, leaving no room for ambiguity. But when he clears his throat and avoids direct eye contact, I know he's about to give me half the truth.

"We agreed to a training session, sir. And things got a bit intense." 

"Intense?" I raise an eyebrow, pushing for more details. "Define 'intense.'" 

"We were sparring, sir. But she got carried away, and I guess I did too. It wasn't meant to turn into a full-blown brawl, but it did." Watchdog shifts uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding eye contact. "I think I hit her where she was injured before, sir."

I exhale sharply, my frustration evident. I couldn't sleep with her because of the injury and I had to wait hours and hours before she felt better, but now he might have exacerbated it. It takes all my self-control not to let my anger boil over. "You think?" I snap, my patience wearing thin. "You're a guard, damn it. You should know. Go get yourself checked by the medical team. I don't need my guard walking around with injuries. And oh, I would have cut your hand by now for touching her if I didn't need you in your best condition. Dismissed."

The horror in Watchdog's eyes is evident as he quickly nods and exits the room. For fuck's sake, why is she driving me crazy like this? I can't deny the frustration and concern that twist my insides. I've washed her blood off my hands but when I look at them now, I can almost feel the lingering traces of it. 

The quiet of the office envelops me as I sink into my chair. The color Red is a color I hate to see in my life because when I do, it's always someone's blood. Red always means pain and loss, and I'm not about to let Y/N become another name on the list. I shake my hands as if trying to rid them of the invisible stain.

My phone starts ringing and when I spot Jungwon's name on the caller ID, I quickly answer. "What is it?" 

"Sir, we managed to bring Baek Y/N's sister to your mother. Choi Minho's men are still after us though I made sure they lost us. And," There's some kind of hesitation in his voice and it almost scares me. Jungwon is never hesitant unless something significant has occurred. "Two of his men are dead. I checked it. He won't be very happy about that."

"I don't care about his men as long as my men are safe. Ensure that Y/N's sister is secured with my mother. We'll deal with Minho when the time comes." I hang up and lean against my chair while rubbing my temple. I debate whether to check on Y/N or give her the space she seems to need. The logical part of me says to let her cool off, but the part that's inexplicably drawn to her pulls me in the direction of her room. And I stand there, my hand hovering over the doorknob, hesitating. What am I doing? Why does she have this effect on me?

Taking a deep breath, I push the door open slowly. The room is dimly lit, and I can see Y/N lying on her bed. "Y/N?" She doesn't respond and I wonder if she's asleep or just pretending so she doesn't have to face me. I step closer, and the soft sounds of her breathing confirm that she's still awake. I decide to take a seat on the edge of her bed, my eyes focused on the window that overlooks the moonlit landscape. "I'm sorry." What for? I don't know. Maybe for everything and nothing all at once.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone." Her voice is sharp, cutting through the quiet of the room. I don't blame her, I'm one hell of a headache in her life right now, but I can't bring myself to leave.

"I can't do that. I need to make sure you're okay."

"Physically or emotionally? Because, as you can see, physically, I'm a mess. Emotionally, well, let's not even get into that." A long silence joins the conversation and she's still refusing to make eye contact. "Just leave, Park. I'm exhausted." 

"I thought you'd want to visit your sister." Those words somehow make her sit up and as she groans in pain, I wrap my arms around her. My hand rubs her back the way you'd comfort someone in distress. The tension in her body begins to ease, and her head finds a resting place on my shoulder. And then, she cries. I've never seen her cry and I never want to, but right now, it's what she needs. And then I get my answer. 

Emotionally, Y/N is broken. She's been hurt and wounded and she's been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Maybe my presence only adds to that burden, but I can't find it in me to walk away. Not when I care about her so much. Not when I... I'm starting to realize that my feelings for her run deeper than I initially thought.

"I hate this," She admits between sobs, her grip on me tightening. "Feeling... feeling like I'm losing control. Like everything's slipping away, and I can't do anything to stop it." I don't say anything because I know how it feels and I hate it too. But I'm by her side now and it doesn't matter. Hell, I'm even willing to hate the entire world with her if that's what she needs.