in which, selena amorim has never had an easy life, yet when she finds herself crossing paths with an old acquaintance, the first glimpses of hope shine through. as the seasons change, their lives take tumultuous turns and their feelings burn. will...
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We stumbled into the house, fervidly clawing at each other. This was our most vulnerable state, the tension had reached a boiling point and it was simply incomparable. Unparalleled to the splendor of the cathedral that rainy night, this time would be different. Hands became lost in hair as articles of clothing were scattered across the halls and carpet of that luxurious bedroom. Kisses trailed down necks, insecurities faded, sweeping us off into a daydream-like state where this night would never end. Time alone would tell what would become of this powerful phenomenon but for now, we'd allow this heat to consume us.
I was petrified. Never had I been this intimate in my life, this seemingly normal act was disgraceful in the eyes of those around me, something so rigid and raw that it couldn't be spoken about. Not even simply implied with a small gesture of the hand or a wink, it was a vulgar thing, an embarrassing embodiment of the rush that was love. But this wasn't love. Was it? I could barely tell, not even with her warm body pressed against mine like this, barely able to mutter anything but groans of pleasure.
Ever since I'd been able to grasp the concept of said act, I'd always been told it wasn't reasonable enough to be love. My nerves were in a jam as I tried to figure this out, now was no time for philosophy. I'd figure it out later when she was fast asleep and I anxiously held onto her nude body, caressing her back as she slowly faded into a deeper and deeper rest. Yes. This was love, It had to be.
She was burning up like a human furnace, drowsing off beside me as we lay entwined. My hand interlaced within hers, our physical boundaries crossed in the most intrinsic way. Richie had often spoken about this moment, teased me about it, always implying I'd end up with some old woman. I giggled at the thought. What a silly thought, was I always that grim? Was I so grim and awkward that I had inadvertently misrepresented myself? Ouch.
Reminiscing on those laughable stories Richie would tell by the quarry about how he was engaging in wild sex with a girl who was in his sixth-period class even though it was painstakingly obvious he couldn't take his eyes off our pal Eddie, made my giggle grow into laughter as I came down from my natural high. Tomorrow morning while she was still sleeping I'd call and tell him everything. I groaned sleepily, covering my eyes with my hand. What a beautiful yet comical situation I was in. I made myself comfortable, hungrily placing a kiss on her shoulder as I slipped my arm around her stomach, pulling us closer. I wanted this forever.
***
The morning was cold and rainy. I woke up to the sound of plates clattering in the kitchen as I stretched my body. Several aches ran across it with purple markings up and down my frame. I sighed heavily, whether it was a drowsy one full of regret or a delighted one, I'll never know. My feelings were ambivalent, I felt less energetic and more over-scrutinizing than ever. I looked down at my cold, red hands. On my left ring finger was my mother's wedding ring, I wondered what'd been of her since we left.
I slipped back into bed after tending to more pressing matters in the bathroom. Rainy days were some of the best and worst. Tediously creeping into the room came Stan. I had yet to wipe out yesterday's events, everything still felt fresh and euphoric. "Good Morning." a warm smile tumbling onto my face as his hoarse voice grew closer. He took me within his arms, holding me tightly, "Is this your attempt at catching a feel?" We both laughed heartily as he let go and I hid my breasts behind my crossed arms, "I've felt enough of you for a lifetime...yet I find myself longing for more." Sitting up, I placed a kiss on his lips, "Anytime you want."
He handed me my robe as I wrapped it around myself, "Ive made breakfast, you can come down whenever you feel fit." He pressed his lips against my cheek and hurried down. My eyes lovingly followed him down the steps.
Sex had never been an easy topic for me to tackle. I'd been with a few men before but they'd all left me displaced on the subject. Most of the men weren't men I truly had a connection with, some were simply meaningless rendezvous. This time, however, sex felt right. It was passionate and honest, no matter how uncomfortable or hazy the memory of last night might've been. Stan wasn't any of those men, he surely wouldn't dissuade me with any schemes to get what he wanted. Or at least I hoped not. I had barely known the boy, meeting in late August and first bonding in early September, what was I to make of such a whirlwind thing?
We had a sort of unspoken agreement to never call it a relationship of sorts. We would spend hours on end together and hold hands in the halls, he'd introduced me to most of his friends and even his mother, yet he couldn't admit we were anything more. I knew he was enraptured beyond compare but he was more stuck on idolization, solace, and fear. I didn't want a label, we had kept it pure until this. But sex is a two-way street, our relations might fade but the act is endlessly frozen in time. If I had been willing enough to give my body and life to him, I only hoped he would see the unvarnished truth and give me the sense of stability i've lacked my whole life.
"How'd you like the eggs?" I wanted to break out into laughter, he was visibly trying to stir up conversation but not many topics were in our reach right now. He sat in his boxers with flaxen curls, tousled, the scratches of my nails still over his back as he sat there avidly watching me eat his raw breakfast. "Fresh off the farm, hm?" I faked a grin as I poked around the yellow slush. Note to self, don't let him cook, ever. I giggled, running a hand through his hair. "Thank you," I cupped his cheek as he lovingly gazed into my eyes, "Not just for this, ehm...wonderful breakfast but for all of this and of course, yesterday night." Once more, our lips met with an unbearable grin.
***
With our bags packed up and the car loaded, we were on our way. The drive was semi-silent, words were muttered a few times but the remainder of our words had been expressed yesterday. This weekend was one I certainly wouldn't forget, one that I would reference when suffocating with alienation. When I simply lay my head upon my pillow as the tears stained my sheets and my mother pounded on the bedroom door. Yes, and It would alleviate the pain and apprehension within me. Even if just temporarily.
Suddenly, that's where I was. In a blink, it was over, I was back to misery business. She slurred her words, as she was probably drunken, I blocked them out and dried my tears. Hurriedly, I put on my coat and my warm pants. Opening the door I gently pushed her aside as she grabbed me, pinning me against my own bedroom door. Her heavy body against mine made it heavy to breathe, "Where were you!?". I attempted to keep a straight face, the last thing I needed was to satisfy her urge for my downheartedness.
As she interrogated me, I felt my feet sweep beneath me. I thought back to the way his skin felt on mine, the breeze blowing through my hair, the salt water soaking my body, the chatter of the playful birds above us as we read in dead silence, just the two of us. A smile wanted to creep onto my face but I felt a blow to my cheek. A red, hot blow. I was out.
