in which, selena amorim has never had an easy life, yet when she finds herself crossing paths with an old acquaintance, the first glimpses of hope shine through. as the seasons change, their lives take tumultuous turns and their feelings burn. will...
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"Romantically?"
The breath left my system as I scratched my head, his eyes losing their light as his expression went blank. Biting his cheek, his eyes turned away in humiliation.
I couldn't fucking believe this.
"I think it's best if you leave, Richie."
Trepidation was rapidly converting into anger, my once inquiring grin turned into a flat line across my ghostly face. My fists balled up as I pressed against the wooden chair beside me. It didn't matter to me I was seeing someone new, he couldn't have her. No matter how selfish it made me.
"I know it's wrong alright-"
"It's truly best if you leave. Now."
He rose from his chair and as he continued his next syllable my knuckles aligned and with and impeccable force i'd never known before, struck right for the bridge of his nose.
He instantly covered his nose, looking up towards my heaving self, his eyes watering as he gritted his teeth and aimed straight for my cheek. The blow burning through me as I swung once again.
He overpowered me, tackling me to the floor, causing my head to hit the tile. We tussled for what seemed like an eternity, my body squirmed under his to try and unpin myself, flailing relentlessly until we both got off the floor.
Grabbing him by the shirt, we drug each other to the door, panting and grunting. I threw him against the concrete and charged towards him, directing blows to his temples as he scrambled to grab me. I could feel my knuckles bleeding, my mouth was insanely dry, and I saw absolutely nothing.
He aimed for my stomach, causing me to bend over in pain. He recoiled again, this time aiming for my nose. Heels clattered against the tile of the front steps, "Stanley! Stanley!" Without retreating, he continued to throw blows.
"You son of a bitch!" his words blurred together and I breathed heavily, my mother's own hands pulled me away from Richie. My body ached and throbbed as I lay in her arms, blood on my shirt as mucus slowly trailed down my nostrils. My vision clouded as pain overcame me, certain muscles were pulled and every blow stung along my body.
"How-," I fell back against her chest as she shrieked in fear, my father's shouting coming just behind her, "How could you do this to me?!". Unlike my breath, my rationality was slowly returning, he cried out in agony, pinching his nose as my father attended him.
"What happened?! What happened?! Oh God!"
Momma shook me vigorously as she rocked back and forth, rising to her feet she slumped my body over her shoulders and we walked into the kitchen.
My ears rung, my vision blurred, I was out.
***
[present day]
"Selena, we need to have a serious talk."
"Why are you still calling me? I thought you were seeing someone else."
I sounded cruel, but I couldn't help it, I was peculiarly bitter. Although on the outside I may have been a complete bitch, some parts of me remained pure, untouched full of actual love. Except now they seemed unavailable for whatever the reason.
Jealousy?
Maybe.
However, I couldn't resort to blaming anybody else for my faults. As I had been spending more time alone, with myself and my thoughts, I'd realized just how fucked up I had been. How could I ever treat him in such a way? Go out and fuck his best friend while he was simply conversing with another girl.
All Stan had showed me was love, all I had showed him was lust. But I felt it, it was far beyond lust, it was real and i'd managed to ruin the only real thing i'd owned.
I got rid of Richie on the fifth day.
When he passed me in the halls, my head would swing the other way. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him anymore, it made me want to puke the way i'd treated him.
And that's exactly what it made me do, every afternoon after seeing him at school, I would immediately have to bike home. It was an unbearable sickness, causing me to cough until i emptied my stomach.
Apart from the mental torment, I was suffering physical consequences. Deep down, i felt i deserved them, for all the wrong I'd done this was such a small price to pay. My bones felt rusted , my head was continously aching, my own body was crumbling and there was nothing I could do.
"Selena, Richie came clean to me the other day and we beat each other's asses like dogs, this has gone on far too long ! Now you tell me right now if you wanna fix this damn relationship !"
Fought ?
Holy shit.
"What happened ?! When was this ?!"
"I know about it, I know about how you fucked and I'm so fucking stupid for giving you this chance !"
I pulled away from the phone, his shouting still prevalent as I took a breather. The agony in his voice mixing with the pain brought on my own rage. I'd been so caught up in myself, terribly selfish, ignorant of the past lessons i'd learnt.
"You shouldn't take the arm of a man you don't want."
My heart stopped in its tracks as he uttered those last words. The anthology of this distant relationship running through my mind. From that very first cigarette to the feeling of the dust from the tapes against my fingers.
The fresh water of the quarry and the bullet drops of rain that fell from the heavens that night we lingered on our lips. Heavy sighs and longing filled those nights, and just when I had it, i'd managed to leave me desolate.
No longer could I put off these problems, I was a fool and knew what I'd signed up for long ago. The inevitable moment of truth lay upon us with no option to run. Facing myself was the only tribulation now, so I swallowed my pride and confronted my own reflection.
